Lessons of Dangers at a Softball Field & What to Teach My Daughter

"This is our fucking field!"

A high school kid in a football uniform was glaring at me beneath the not-so-very-bright lights of Col Jacobs Field in Harlem, as I stood out in left-center field of our softball game, and was nearly plowed over by a sweep.

The kid, backed up by oh about 40 High School players to his immediate right and to his immediate left was another 40 pint-sized mini players of the elementary school size, had the tell tale smirk of enjoying the fact that the practice was taking place IN our softball game.

Hey, at that age I would have smirked too. Permits be damned or not. I also would have been smacked by my coach at that point.

I pictured the headline for the news story: Softball player shot over field dispute in Harlem. I pictured my own reaction if I read such a headline: Idiots.

Yes, I walked away - and bit my tongue because man, I had some verbal gold that I wanted to unleash. I have actually seen this situation before at a softball game. A young kid ran onto a field and the outfielder yelled at him - the kid then came back with a bunch of uncles and friends ("Yo, these are my Uncles!") and it took a fast talking Umpire to cool the situation down. The Umpire calmly said after, "Which is good because they were all packing."

I'm not saying everyone in Harlem packs a gun. I'm just saying that nothing good could have possibly come out of the situation.

What was interesting - I won't even say astounding, or surprising, or even that it did anything more than annoyed me - was that the coaches supervising the practices seemed to be encouraging the behavior.

Okay, I can't even saying encouraging, the female umpire in out game went to talk with the Coaches at one point and in the words of our left fielder, "They basically told her to fuck herself."

This isn't a big social post here. In downtown New York people are being arrested over similar fundamental issues. People just ain't sharing the wealth, or the field, or the piece of candy in a pocket.

I'm not advocating a socialist society - the field really was a microcosm - they had more people, were better protected, and had the field. Yep football coaches on the field - teach the kids they don't have to listen to anyone and to just keep practicing.

Still. Hopefully I'll be able to teach Sienna to share a softball field. Or at least move far enough away if the other people have a permit. Mostly though, I'll probably teach her that sometimes the actual argument with the people ain't worth it and it's more fun to blog about it later.

Wayne

Breaking down TV: Was the Jersey Shore Too Exploitive Recently?

Reading that subject line aloud I understand that may be the most oxymoronic question ever in this blog.

Quick review of the episode in question. J-Wow and Snooki's boyfriends were scheduled to visit them in Italy. J-Wow's boyfriend had to cancel; while Snooki's boyfriend visited and by the end of the episode had broken up with Snooki and left her at about level 50 on a 1 to 10 scale of "losing her shit."

Danielle and I - who watch the show together - were left feeling rather uncomfortable from the episode and as Danielle put it, "They just exploited them [meaning Snooki]." Interestingly enough I know several people who refuse to watch the show after this episode.

Normally I would give a rat's behind about it...except...well...except I have Sienna now and she might have a level 50 meltdown (or worse, ask about this show). Therefore, I'll break down this mess and see where it leaves us (or at least me).

The discomfort of the episode is a genuine reaction to genuine feelings that are shown on the screen. What are we looking at on the screen?

Drunk and Stupid (Funny)
All members of the show fall into this. If you show people being drunk and stupid - well, we laugh at them, as long as nothing REALLY bad happens to them. Snooki running headfirst into a shrug because she is so drunk? That is funny. Actually it was hysterical. As long as the person only hurts him/herself then we're okay.

Drunk and Stupid (Unfunny)
Ronnie owns this category. He turns into a raging sociopath and has several times destroyed rooms in a drunken rage. He once knocked someone out with "one punch, bro!" as the other person was so hammered that no defense could be offered.

Relationships (Humor)
If you show people in a bad relationship then there actually is a certain amount of humor. Usually since one person is so over-the-top you are stunned. Though only women can be shown stalking men - as otherwise it is creepy. The greatest humor for Jersey Shore has been whenever one of the guys "really" likes a girl and tries to woo her.

Relationship (Annoying)
Ron and Sam took fighting/irritation to such a level that I refuse to waste another breath on them. Ever. Any time The Situation brags about how great he is picking up women turned from funny to annoying.

Now that we have those categories set up, I can analyze what happened in the episode, as I'll have to explain this to Sienna at some point. By the way, Danielle and I had a long discussion about this episode.

This episode managed to take all four of those categories - tie them into one - and leave Snooki a screaming mess. How did they do it? (Drunk and funny) Snooki was dancing with her boyfriend, pulled up her dress (drunk and unfunny) wouldn't stop. Snooki (relationship - annoying) kept claiming she loves her beau and (relationship - humor) ran to greet him at the door like a little kid.

That is skills.

It was Exploitative
By definition it is a reality show and can't be exploitative. Still, the emotions were raw and real - and nobody wants that in his or her box of humor. I wouldn't call it exploitative as much as superior MTV editing. Here is how they pulled it off.

J-Wow is actually sympathetic. She is the mother figure and despite her intro of "bite a guys head off after having sex" she has been in two long term relationships during the course of the show. One appears to have been abusive - and the breakup was catalogued last season. While J-Wow is prone to exaggeration (after The Situation head butted the wall and got a concussion she said, "I don't want the kid to die") her relationship with her boyfriend Roger seems legit. We like J-Wow and have forgiven her for cheating with Paulie D in an early episode. The reason Roger couldn't make it to Italy was also realistic - he couldn't get the time off from work. J-Wow also had a plausible reaction: she was upset, yet didn't take it out on Roger.

Meanwhile there is Snooki. While being a hysterical prop-like device since episode 1 there have been attempts to show that Snooki merely wants love/boyfriend. Fair enough. Life is filled with characters who look for love, screw it up, and eventually find love. Sex and the City was an entire series of could-be-flawed women looking for love and eventually finding it.

However Snooki doesn't have writers - she has herself and editors. Snooki's relationship seems to be based on her boyfriend wanting her to "not be herself" and her wanting to still party. The entire season we've been privy to the phone calls between the two of them that actually...well...the castmates even think the relationship is a bad idea. Credit were credit is due - when EVERYONE in the house thinks it is a bad idea you should reconsider (just like when everyone in the house thinks it is a good idea.) Snooki also had a three hour makeout session with a housemate that is not cheating, since she was so drunk she didn't remember ANY of it.

Needless to say. Snooki is a party animal and her boyfriend was okay with her making out with other women. She is definitely NOT sympathetic though. It is like when they tried to make The Situation sympathetic for injuring himself after headbutting a wall. Snooki loves attention, hates work, and is comes off across as hypocritical. I want love! I love my guy! Ohhh...makeout time!

With that setup the editors showed us J-Wow's beau not being available, transferring that sadness over to the joy Snooki felt at HER guy showing up.

Yes, the show was manipulative. Smart as hell too. It took one characters sympathy, transferred it to another way LESS sympathetic character, and made us all feel uncomfortable. What happened though is that after the episode viewers realized, I just felt bad for Snooki who is a hypocritcal maniac. What the fuck? I can't think about this anymore.

Then they quit watching.

Don't manipulate people. It isn't nice.

Which brings me back to Sienna. Someday she is going to come to myself - or more likely Danielle - on a class 50 rager. Rather than try to logic it out to her I'm just going to show her this episode. I'm going to ask her whether she was acting more like J-Wow or Snooki.

At that point, if she wails too loud it is Snooki and I'll know I haven't raised her right. If it's J-Wow...well that really isn't much better, just less hypocritical.

Wayne

Where Have I Been for Two Months?

Before I post the next posting - where I analyze The Jersey Shore - I am sure it will be wondered why there hasn't been a posting since August 3rd.

Besides being known as "a long time" it is also known "as summer" - though that isn't the reason I've been missing. I was off doing Digital Media for the company and work for, ultimately wearing me out from posting.

Yes, there are only so many posts one has in his/her day.

There you go. My lame excuse. I'll give a quick personal update: child is fat, happy, and doing well.

Wayne

Sometimes it IS who you know

Once upon a time I interviewed with Bloomberg. I had been sent in by a recruiter and was in the middle of being transferred from one interview room to another when low and behold I ran into a former colleague.

She was so excited to see me she ran up and gave me a hug (professionalism rules!) before a rather stunned HR person and the HR person's shadow-for-the-day. "What you are doing here?" my former colleague asked. "Interviewing," I said, completely unable to keep the grin from my face.

Come on. How can you keep a straight face when someone comes up and hugs you during an interview.

My former colleague turned to the HR person and exclaimed, "You've GOT to hire, Wayne. He's great!" It is one of the topmost, unexpected recommendations I have ever gotten.

Fast forward to nine years later. Nine years. That is a long time. Excuse me while I wrap my brain around that. Okay, brain wrapped around that.

I was coming up the escalator when I saw two familiar faces. My former physical therapists Rob and Rick (not their real names). Having a former physical therapist is GREAT, since they are not exactly people you really want to spend too much time with.

"What the heck are you doing here?" I couldn't help but smile at seeing two. Rob and Rick had put me through a tremendous amount of pain rehabbing me after my labrum surgery and has also rehabbed Danielle through a nasty ankle sprain.

That is correct. I like them so much I referred my wife to them.

"Trying to become a preferred specialist to you guys," Rob said. The company I work for offers a tremendous amount of preferred specialists - which is a fancy way of saying, People that have been vetted and recommended.

We caught up quickly. Rob had his third kid. He congratulated myself on the arrival of Sienna. As quickly as we talked the HR person receiving Rob and Rick arrived, so I took my leave.

Not before I jotted off a quick email to her (it can be awkward sometimes to do it in person as some HR reps can be prickly) that I give Rob and Rick my highest recommendations and that if I had know ahead of time I would have given her a heads up about them.

One never really knows if these comments or emails ever REALLY matter. Though the HR person thanked me for taking the time to email her, and later I emailed Rick and Rob to let them know. Rick got back to me and apparently it DID make a difference.

There is no reward in it for me. Rick and Rob are good guys - they were recommended to me and I passed the recommendation along. They do their job well. Though it certainly didn't hurt that I spoke up, err emailed them.

It might have been awesome if I hugged them good bye though. A least as far as a conversation piece went.

Wayne

The Pitch...Approved

"That's a great idea. If you have the sponsorship, we can do this."

I waited for the but. There is always a but. Always.

There was no but.

It is a simple of mathematics. My co-producer has arranged sponsorship money and if the show pays for itself we get to be on television. The TV minor-GATEKEEPER (there is GATEKEEPER up higher) was straight forward.

For those immediately crying, "Pay for play!" please contain yourselves. Sponsorship and advertising pay for television - that is the reality of life. There are t's to be crossed and i's to be dotted - however at the end of the day the show is one more step to reality.

One more step closer than yesterday. It is a good day people. A very good day.

Someday I'll be able to talk about the exact details - like WHAT THE DANG SHOW IS! For now though it is a victory.

Wayne

Pitching When Your Project Has Already Been Approved (Sort of)

"We love the project. We want to do it. You can do it! You just have one more person to meet with!"

We've all been there - taking a few deep breaths before you go into meet with the person I semi-jokingly call THE GATEKEEPER. I use all caps since THE GATEKEEPER is really the final decision maker and despite the 49 people or so you've already made it past this is really the person that has the final say.

Usually this person controls the purse strings. Or is the marketing director. Or it might be an Executive Assistant who gives everything one final look (yes, I have seen it.)

I wish I had some brilliant words of wisdom that includes a sure fire method of getting approval every time - though that would be a blatant lie. Instead I'll just go with what has worked in the past.

You're already past the hardest part. You're in the room. Face-to-face. Fuck yeah. Let us take it from there.

We're all in this to be successful People often forget about this part. The other person wants this to go well. I've been on both sides of pitches and really, most of the time you just want it to end. You WANT the silver bullet that solves all the problems of the universe, makes the money, and launches a spectacle that everyone talks about forever.

Elevator Pitch. Practice. Practice. Practice. If this is an in person pitch you have more than two lines to get your point across. You have three. At the most. If it takes more than 15 seconds then you're dead. You still need it in this situation. Sometimes the person sitting across from you doesn't really know what the project is about - it isn't a smack in the face or anything - people are busy.

Paint the Best Picture Possible I am talking about getting the imagination flowing from the person on the other side of the table. Sometimes a little hand holding is in order.

Stop Talking. If you feel like you're monologuing and the other person isn't reacting to what you're saying - stop. talking. right. now. As much as this is about your project it really about the person on the other side of the table. Give them a chance to ask questions, or engage them with the simple, "Any questions so far?"

If you hear "We're going with it" Stop Talking. The second the person gives any sort of confirmation that the project is going to happen stop. right. now. Really the ONLY appropriate comment at this point is, "Great. Who should I speak with regarding next steps?"

These are the reminders for when your project has already gotten SOME backing. Meaning that there are two, three people in the room who actually like where you're going and what you're saying.

Next up. I start discussing about getting a project off the ground for a corporation when there is no money, no distribution, and how to (try) to keep everyone happy.

Wayne

Accidental Carolina Style

Leave to Sienna to help get my pulled pork recipe correct.

I've been experimenting with various Pulled Pork recipes in my crockpot for oh, the last two years and FINALLY I managed to experiment my way into a little tasty bit. It ends up wet, tasty, and more toward a tangy Carolina style.

What happened was I had pork butt in the fridge that I was going to cook overnight. Probably. Sienna had to visit the Doctor, so I worked from home. I ended up dropping her off at day care around noon and upon coming home I figured I'd throw the pork into the crockpot.

I wasn't paying attention to the time or I would have notice that five hours from putting the food into the pot would put me right into the middle of picking up Sienna from day care. After five hours in the pot I had to do a SUPER FAST shread, adding of BBQ and rushing off to pick her up.
Naturally it worked out perfectly. Happy accidents. Here is the recipe.

• 5 pounds of pork butt (I prefer the fattiness of a pork butt to the tenderness of the pork shoulder)


• 4 cups of apple cider vinegar


• 2 cups of red wine vinegar


• 1 white onion sliced (in retrospect I'd go with 2


• 16 ounces bottle of bbq sauce - I used mesquite, though you can go with whatever you flavor preference happens to be

1. Throw it all the crock pot, 5 hours on low


2. Drain 99.5% of the liquid and LEAVE the onions in


3. Shred, removing most of the fat as you go along


4. Add sauce and stir it up


5. One hour on high
   Tasty.
   

Anything longer on the low cooking dries out the flavor more than I like. Danielle and I ate it with some mac & cheese and we were happy. Sienna will give her own trial and error someday and in MORE news - we get her high chair this weekend and she will now be able to watch us cook.

Very excited.

Now she knows where the recipe came from.

Wayne