Ten Things I'll Tell My Daughter About WWE Wrestling at MSG

Danielle has an autographed picture of John Cena in her at office. For a gift I got her the John Cena ringtone and she grins like the cheshire cat whenever someone calls her. I mention these since whenever I told people we were going to watch Raw at Madison Square Garden the day after Christmas they wanted to know how I could make my pregnant wife suffer so.

Suffer? She was the one who bought the tickets and she is the one who chose to get us third row seats. Oh, did I mention she wrote a job into our wedding vows about watching pro wrestling together?

Top ten things/memories/whatevers from last night at Madison Square Garden...during a blizzard.

1. I finally bought an I'm Awesome! Miz t-shirt. I have never ever owned a wrestling t-shirt before. Danielle doesn't like the new style of John Cena t-shirts & said she'd feel like a traitor for buying a much cooler Randy Orton t-shirt since there was supposed to be a fatal four way that night
2. The place was 57% full - most of Long Island couldn't get in since train service had already been suspended. Despite being a house show it was still loud.
3. John Cena fans emit a high pitched shriek equivalent to the noise a dolphin makes.
   
4. When the steel cage was being erected (final match was changed from a fatal four way to Cena v Barrett) I managed to engage referee Charles Robinson in a short conversation. I haven't seen Danielle that impressed with me in a long time.
5. I was one of few people cheering for the Miz. Actually the guy in front of us turned to me and as he grinned said, "So you're that guy, huh?"
6. There were a lot of teenage girls decked out in Cena Nation gear. I say this since I am now much more aware of what teenagers wear. At least it isn't pink.
7. Danielle now refuses to sit anywhere except way up front now.
8. The woman sitting next to us knew all the words to Randy Orton's "I hear voices" song. I was mildly impressed yet fearful
9. The following are impressive finishers live: the Cobra, Starship Pain, and the Bella Twins. Not as impressive: The Throwback and the RKO. That may be the geakiest sentence in a while for me
10. When people wonder WHY you would go to pro wrestling you should take them. It takes the spectacle of a broadway show, tosses in some rock concert, mixes in with the athletics of a football game and sprinkles with the passion of a your team being down but having the ball for the final play.

Did we "brave" a blizzard to go. Absolutely. Did we have to trudge back through snow to get home? Absolutely. Would we do it again? Positively.

Ten Things I'll Tell My Daughter About the Blizzard of '10

For once there is a real live blizzard outside. Usually there is a little snow on the ground and New Yorkers panic. I say New Yorkers in the sense of Manhattan and the surrounding areas; people upstate, such as Buffalo, consider this a minor dusting.

1. Trudging through this to watch pro wrestling from the third row at Madison Square Garden. It was awesome!
   
2. The face plant the Chinese food delivery guy did on Butler street when his BMX bike skidded and lost control. He was wearing a helmet - which is why the story is funny. Yes I did ask him if he was okay.
   
3. Correspondence between my friend Ken and I last night.
   
   Me: Heading to WWE at Msg!
   Ken: But it's a blizzard
   Me: 22 ton F train v 6 inches snow. F train wins!
   
   The F train stopped running at 11 PM as Danielle and I were on our way home. Snow wins!
   
4. Danielle and I jumping into snow banks and snow drifts to avoid cars in the road as we trudged from Burrough Hall.
   
5. Listening to the AC covers barely keep the snow out - we had put on the last AC cover that day
6. Work pro-actively telling us to work from home home
7. Climbing into the bathtub to strip off my snow covered clothes when we got home
8. Being happy to live in an apartment complex and not having to shovel
9. Feeling really bad for the two parents who had a bunch of luggage and two small children when the F train was canceled. I hope the R train got them where they were going.
10. Being really happy that we went to the garden since I get to wear my I'm Awesome! Miz t-shirt and Danielle got to grin like a small child when Cena came out.

Yeah, we're the people who celebrate going out in the weather like this. Such is life.

Ball Four, My Mom, and 8 Year-Old-Me

File this under unintended consequence.

In lending a one of my copies of Ball Four (yes, I have multiple copies) to @sabometrics it led to @ronm3xico commenting about beaver hunting being part of the book. I'm not going to spoil the book for you, but man did this lead to a memory resurfacing, and a question I once asked:

"Mom, what's Beaver Hunting?"

I was eight when I asked the question. Ah, gotta love the 1980s.

How I got my hands on what for an eight year old may actually be considered porn is simple enough: I loved reading about baseball. Anything and everything. Growing up in Boston I was blessed with the Boston Globe Sunday sports section. I was blessed with a Mother who loves baseball. I was blessed with a father was knew nothing about baseball only that he encouraged his son to read.

Every Sunday I would go to the used book store with my father; him buy me a book and then myself devour anything remotely sports related. Imagine my father's happiness when we came upon a rather thick baseball book that could be had for a dollar. Imagine my happiness when I started reading said thick book. My mother, not so much happiness.

The noise my mother made was along the lines of the same noise I imagine I'll make when my daughter announces she has a boyfriend - a cross between cat hacking up hairball and bad tasting tequila.

Her simple question/statement, "Are you reading Ball Four? I read that book."

Eight-year-old me was super excited. A) My mother recognized a book I was reading B) She had read the book. This immediately made is so cool on so many levels I could barely begin to describe it. My mother and myself - reading buddies!

I didn't anticipate C though.

"Give me that!" Those were the next words out of his mouth and it became the first item I can ever recall my mother unjustly (at least as far as I was concerned) taking from me.

Only it still didn't answer the question: What's Beaver Hunting?

My older (11 years of age and wisdom) and somewhat wiser brother had no idea idea. None of the neighborhood kids knew the answer. The mystical and seemingly amazing term that could horrify a parent was certainly something that needed further examination.

So I did what any self respecting eight year old would do: I found the book on my mother's bookshelf and spent the next month sneaking in readings of it. Much like watching Grease, Animal House, or Blues Brothers I didn't really understand the sex parts of the book - not even beaver hunter.

Gotta love Ball Four. Thanks for bringing up the memory guys.

Wayne

P.S. If you look back of Mickey Mantle’s biography, Whitey Ford’s biography, and Billy Martin's biography it took really about five seconds to put together how much carousing and drinking these guys did.

Cliff Lee: Dollars & Sense Part2

At 1 AM or so on 12/14/2010 the twitter verse exploded with the news that there indeed was a secret team in the Cliff Lee sweepstakes and oh goodness he was heading to Philadelphia. Phillies 5 years/24 million average overcoming the Yankees 6 years/22 million average.

Once again there were cries of money being left on the table. To which I reply, oh please Cliff Lee left no dollars on the table and maybe, just maybe, he went where he wanted to pitch.

Yesterday I gave you Arlington v New York, today I present Philadelphia v New York. At least when it comes to the world of taxes, cost of living, and money left on the table. *I'm using Philadelphia and New York City as the basis due to the fact that is where the teams play and I have no idea where Cliff and his family plans on residing.

Okay that 59% is a pretty incredible number. Let us put that together with the state and city taxes I was talking about in yesterday's post - though Pennsylvania actually has a tax of 3.07%, which is higher than Texas's 0%, though lower that New York's 11.3%.

My screen capture software doesn't seem to like today's graphic so I'll bullet point the important numbers

• **$32,450,000 Additional Amount over Five Year contract to cover cost of living difference (this has been adjusted from the initial figure of 64 to include that half the amount is not going to be adjusted for cola - well at least until below)
• **2,263,250 Additional Amount per year to cover difference in state taxes (this has been adjusted to include that half the games are on the road)
• **$28,942,650 Actual Amount per year Yankee off would need to be for Cliff Lee to not leave money on the table

Nearly 29 million dollars. Which is is way less than my original estimate of 37 million dollars and for that I'm thankful for those who have taken the time to read and comment. Either way, can we stop with the Cliff Lee left money on the table nonsense? Both numbers were certainly large enough to leave Cliff and his family feeling pretty good for life.

Oh, the 16 million dollars 6th year option. That presumes that Cliff won't pitch again after this contract. Okay, even if he retires after this contract he will still have made more money in Philadelphia than he would have in New York City the 12 million dollars easily covered due to the cost of living differences.

***Okay, the following two paragraphs are the third updates to this entry and I want to thank @Bill_TPA and @vijtable for bringing up diminishing value (aka diminishing marginal value) when it comes to cola for a contract this large. Or as an economics major @sabometrics wrote to me, "The concept of diminishing marginal utility makes the cost of living adjustments and, to a large extent the difference in the value of the contract, moot. Cliff Lee would likely only enjoy 150 million dollars a marginal amount more than he will enjoy 120 million dollars. Of course it is impossible to say what his specific marginal utility curve looks like but it's pretty safe to say that any of these contract put him at a pretty flat area of the curve."

Well, that seems to put a damper in my original conclusion when it comes to the largness of the numbers. I could even just hide behind "half the amount is not going to be adjusted for cola" but really there is no way that number holds up. Taking into account just the state tax dollars and a slight cost of living adjustment the numbers still add up, though not nearly as spectactularly cool as before and certainly not nearly the 59% difference as before. However I still feel strong enough about my original conclusion - or at least to figure that the Yanks would have had to upped the offer at least $1.00.

Cliff gets to pitch where he wanted to pitch, and in this case he certainly will be well paid and not a cent of New York's money was left on the table.

*
Clarification of why I chose these particular cities. Yes, you can use lesser suburbs (or wealthier) ones.
** Per valid points and feedback this number has been adjusted to reflect that he will spend 1/2 the year in Philadelphia and 1/2 the year in Arkansas
*** The third update

Cliff Lee: It's a Matter of Dollars and Sense

A lot has been said and written about Cliff Lee coming to New York or remaining in Texas. Mostly around how much more money he'll get.

I have zero knowledge when it comes to the inner workings of the mind of a major league pitcher. Luckily for you readers I do have some basic knowledge of taxes and the cost of living.

Rather than bore everyone with a long talk on tax planning I'm going straight to the visuals.

Using
http://www.bestplaces.net/col/?salary=21000000&city1=54804000&city2=53651000 I generated the following information.

Excuse me a moment while all my friends living in New York figure out a way to move to Arlington, Texas.

I know major league players don't HAVE to live in the city the team plays in (so feel free to put in the zip codes of the surrounding towns). What I do know from once upon a time of living in New Jersey and working in Brooklyn is that major league players have to pay New York City taxes. Don't ask me how it works just know that from a legal perspective it does.

The cost of living calculator did not seem to include the 11.3% New York State and New York City employment taxes that would be taken from Cliff's paycheck. Simply put Texas does not have a state income tax and New York does.

(There are some additional adjustments based on how many home games v road games, for simplicities sake I'm going to stick with 11.3% in taxes across Cliff's entire paycheck).

Presuming Cliff and his wife file jointly the pertinent tax information is as follows:

In New York pays more money in state taxes and offsets the 830K in federal taxes. So not only does Cliff Lee's cost of living go up he also pays an additional $1,542,750 to pitch in New York. I'm sure someone will comment that you can deduct states taxes paid from your federal taxes amount.

I already included the deduction in my calculations.

Yankee fans take heart. Know that if Cliff Lee does come play for the Yankees it will be because he probably thinks it is the best chance to win the World Series and it won't be because he is a pitching mercenary. Despite what people are sure to say if he signs.

Ten Things I'll Teach My Daughter about Editing

I'm going to teach unborn baby daughter about editing? Nah, I'm going to teach her about linking to other people's work when they write something that sums up my own feelings.

In this case from @ChuckWendig.

In this case, http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2010/12/06/why-youre-a-sucky-editor/

I'm not even giving a ten things list on this one. Chuck already took care of it. No really. There are ten items in the list & about a million great thoughts.

Really it doesn't matter if you're a screenwriter, blogger, white paper writer, or just a general human being. To me it applies to anyone who ever has to write a critical paper in his or her life.

Have a nice day.

Ten Things I'll Teach My Daughter About Ribs

As I continue the life lessons for Unborn Baby Girl it's time to talk about a great pleasure in life: RIBS!

That's right, capitalized with an exclamation point.

There are fewer things I find more enjoyable than a rack of ribs. They play an important part the pre-courtship of the wifey wife-we were in New Orleans together and she was impressed by my bravery of taking off my shirt (so I wouldn't spill sauce on it) sitting down in the middle of jazzfest and slurping down on some ribs.

Our friend Mike described it as "one of the most disgusting things he has ever seen."

Chances are by the time Unborn Baby Girl reads this she'll recall - probably when she was teething of me bellowing words to the effect of "she's ready!" and trying to feed her a rib.

There are many TYPES of ribs: St Louis, baby back, beef, spare, Kansas City, et cetera, and I highly recommend each and every type in an effort to fully understand the meaty goodness the world has to offer.

Socially speaking there are few instances less pleasurable than having a hunk of ribs with some friends while watching a football game. Especially since a rib bone doubles as an improvised weapon in a pinch.

Here are the ten things I'll teach my daughter about ribs:

1. When discussing ribs, as a Northerner, your opinion is subject to immediate disqualification in anyone living South of Pennsylvania or West of Delaware
2. Some of the greatest rib people are Northerners
3. My favorite all time rib eating moments: forcing down one last rack of ribs at Aaron's bachelor party in Memphis, the Wild Wood rib sampler, Tony's house in New Jersey (a friend's house), and St Louis with Mommy and Sig. A lamb rib in Turkey and my 36th birthday pig roast were disqualified from item #3.
4. Slow and low
5. The quality of meat matters
6. Brine
7. Order of ribs + sports enjoyment: football, baseball, and then...heck turn off the TV ribs and tennis do not exactly work together
8. Do NOT argue Wet v Dry - argue something less controversial like politics or abortion
9. Never wear a pink hat
10. The fact that there is a grill outside your window is merely a coincidence

So there you have it unborn baby girl. 10 things you need to know about ribs. And someday when you're attracted to a bald, chubby, shirtless man slurping on a rib...you get that from your mother.

That is all.