Ten Things I'll Teach My Daughter About Air Hockey

Last night I went to grab Mommy after a work event. Grab is such an overused word in this context - a more specific declarative would be, Yesterday Mommy was at a work event and won a gift certificate in a trivia contest - a co-worker of mine* was meeting a co-worker of Danielle's after Danielle's work event** so Daddy, co-worker Don and third co-worker Greg (yes I changed the names) all went over together.

Wow. I should have stuck with my original statement: Last night I went to grab Mommy after a work event.

Originally I wasn't going to go; however a gift certificate was going to cover the amount for dinner and there were games. I joined Mommy post-event last year and battled her co-worker Richard (name changed) in a single game of air hockey.

A single game since we were both so intense that sweat was dripping off our bodies by the end and oh, I happened to win. Which I indeed proceeded to mention whenever I saw him for the next year.

Ten things to know about Air Hockey. You'll probably be able to find it in the old folks games in the arcade.

1. It is perfectly legal to "accidentally" drop your forearm across the goal and block a shot - it stings though not nearly as much as losing
2. Sliding your paddle across the table to knock the puck into your opponents goal also perfectly legal and if you fail to score you can throw your entire body onto the table to block your goal
   
3. Challenger always pays
4. Never hold a beer while playing. That is a suckers move.
5. If your opponent does #3 it is your given right to crank the hardest shot possible at his or her prone body
6. Table-top air hockey is weak
7. Psychology matters. By psychology I mean trash talk is encouraged - no trash talk is required!
8. Mommy and Daddy played air hockey in New Orleans before we were dating. Mommy legit won when Daddy got too cocky.
   
9. An off-speed shot at your opponents goal is highly effective
10. A broken air hockey table is a sad sight
    

Daddy has a secret he and his friends used to go to a place called Fun & Games and play waaaaaaay too much Street Fighter II and Air Hockey. Captial letters on Air Hockey. The games were so intense that the puck invariably would be flying off the table by the end and it was eventually requested that we stop playing. I'm talking about the ability to purposely hit a puck so it'd fly three or four inches in the air - if you timed it correctly and your buddy was leaning across the table you could hit him in the top of the head.

I didn't tell Mommy's co-workers the above. Mostly as it'd really be disturbing to start a conversation that way when I originally met them. I believe what I said at the time was, I love air hockey - I used to play a little.

So what happened in the great rematch. Number ten happened! When I arrived I learned Ricardo and was 7-1 on the day, so Mommy and I went to find where they were playing.

Two things happened:
Ricardo lost! I'd like to think my pressence through him off. Probably not. Item #8 was always his weak spot and his opponent kept exploiting it.

And the Air Hockey table was taken out of service! I couldn't believe it. I think Ricardo and the others were a little shocked. The game next to air hockey was broken - a car game where you climb into the car and drive - and to fix the game the person had to climb under the car.

Which will lead to Daddy explaining video games at some point.

Either way Mommy and I left. After all, if you can't play Air Hockey, really what is point? Plus the gift certificate wasn't going to spend itself.

That is all.
Daddy (aka Wayne)

*How can I say co-worker when there are approximately 10,000+ employees at Bloomberg - it's like we are all from the same giant town and Don is from an old neighborhood I used to spend a lot of time in except now I just run into him at the mall and we get together for a drink sometimes. Random note of knowledge: I was once told that any gathering of 10,000+ people requires some sort of waiver on why it's exempt from being taxed as a town - I say I was told as I never verified this fact

**Danielle's office is more like a smaller town where everyone outside the town wants to say, I'm from THAT town.