Ten Things I'll Tell My Daughter About WWE Wrestling at MSG

Danielle has an autographed picture of John Cena in her at office. For a gift I got her the John Cena ringtone and she grins like the cheshire cat whenever someone calls her. I mention these since whenever I told people we were going to watch Raw at Madison Square Garden the day after Christmas they wanted to know how I could make my pregnant wife suffer so.

Suffer? She was the one who bought the tickets and she is the one who chose to get us third row seats. Oh, did I mention she wrote a job into our wedding vows about watching pro wrestling together?

Top ten things/memories/whatevers from last night at Madison Square Garden...during a blizzard.

1. I finally bought an I'm Awesome! Miz t-shirt. I have never ever owned a wrestling t-shirt before. Danielle doesn't like the new style of John Cena t-shirts & said she'd feel like a traitor for buying a much cooler Randy Orton t-shirt since there was supposed to be a fatal four way that night
2. The place was 57% full - most of Long Island couldn't get in since train service had already been suspended. Despite being a house show it was still loud.
3. John Cena fans emit a high pitched shriek equivalent to the noise a dolphin makes.
   
4. When the steel cage was being erected (final match was changed from a fatal four way to Cena v Barrett) I managed to engage referee Charles Robinson in a short conversation. I haven't seen Danielle that impressed with me in a long time.
5. I was one of few people cheering for the Miz. Actually the guy in front of us turned to me and as he grinned said, "So you're that guy, huh?"
6. There were a lot of teenage girls decked out in Cena Nation gear. I say this since I am now much more aware of what teenagers wear. At least it isn't pink.
7. Danielle now refuses to sit anywhere except way up front now.
8. The woman sitting next to us knew all the words to Randy Orton's "I hear voices" song. I was mildly impressed yet fearful
9. The following are impressive finishers live: the Cobra, Starship Pain, and the Bella Twins. Not as impressive: The Throwback and the RKO. That may be the geakiest sentence in a while for me
10. When people wonder WHY you would go to pro wrestling you should take them. It takes the spectacle of a broadway show, tosses in some rock concert, mixes in with the athletics of a football game and sprinkles with the passion of a your team being down but having the ball for the final play.

Did we "brave" a blizzard to go. Absolutely. Did we have to trudge back through snow to get home? Absolutely. Would we do it again? Positively.

Ten Things I'll Tell My Daughter About the Blizzard of '10

For once there is a real live blizzard outside. Usually there is a little snow on the ground and New Yorkers panic. I say New Yorkers in the sense of Manhattan and the surrounding areas; people upstate, such as Buffalo, consider this a minor dusting.

1. Trudging through this to watch pro wrestling from the third row at Madison Square Garden. It was awesome!
   
2. The face plant the Chinese food delivery guy did on Butler street when his BMX bike skidded and lost control. He was wearing a helmet - which is why the story is funny. Yes I did ask him if he was okay.
   
3. Correspondence between my friend Ken and I last night.
   
   Me: Heading to WWE at Msg!
   Ken: But it's a blizzard
   Me: 22 ton F train v 6 inches snow. F train wins!
   
   The F train stopped running at 11 PM as Danielle and I were on our way home. Snow wins!
   
4. Danielle and I jumping into snow banks and snow drifts to avoid cars in the road as we trudged from Burrough Hall.
   
5. Listening to the AC covers barely keep the snow out - we had put on the last AC cover that day
6. Work pro-actively telling us to work from home home
7. Climbing into the bathtub to strip off my snow covered clothes when we got home
8. Being happy to live in an apartment complex and not having to shovel
9. Feeling really bad for the two parents who had a bunch of luggage and two small children when the F train was canceled. I hope the R train got them where they were going.
10. Being really happy that we went to the garden since I get to wear my I'm Awesome! Miz t-shirt and Danielle got to grin like a small child when Cena came out.

Yeah, we're the people who celebrate going out in the weather like this. Such is life.

Ball Four, My Mom, and 8 Year-Old-Me

File this under unintended consequence.

In lending a one of my copies of Ball Four (yes, I have multiple copies) to @sabometrics it led to @ronm3xico commenting about beaver hunting being part of the book. I'm not going to spoil the book for you, but man did this lead to a memory resurfacing, and a question I once asked:

"Mom, what's Beaver Hunting?"

I was eight when I asked the question. Ah, gotta love the 1980s.

How I got my hands on what for an eight year old may actually be considered porn is simple enough: I loved reading about baseball. Anything and everything. Growing up in Boston I was blessed with the Boston Globe Sunday sports section. I was blessed with a Mother who loves baseball. I was blessed with a father was knew nothing about baseball only that he encouraged his son to read.

Every Sunday I would go to the used book store with my father; him buy me a book and then myself devour anything remotely sports related. Imagine my father's happiness when we came upon a rather thick baseball book that could be had for a dollar. Imagine my happiness when I started reading said thick book. My mother, not so much happiness.

The noise my mother made was along the lines of the same noise I imagine I'll make when my daughter announces she has a boyfriend - a cross between cat hacking up hairball and bad tasting tequila.

Her simple question/statement, "Are you reading Ball Four? I read that book."

Eight-year-old me was super excited. A) My mother recognized a book I was reading B) She had read the book. This immediately made is so cool on so many levels I could barely begin to describe it. My mother and myself - reading buddies!

I didn't anticipate C though.

"Give me that!" Those were the next words out of his mouth and it became the first item I can ever recall my mother unjustly (at least as far as I was concerned) taking from me.

Only it still didn't answer the question: What's Beaver Hunting?

My older (11 years of age and wisdom) and somewhat wiser brother had no idea idea. None of the neighborhood kids knew the answer. The mystical and seemingly amazing term that could horrify a parent was certainly something that needed further examination.

So I did what any self respecting eight year old would do: I found the book on my mother's bookshelf and spent the next month sneaking in readings of it. Much like watching Grease, Animal House, or Blues Brothers I didn't really understand the sex parts of the book - not even beaver hunter.

Gotta love Ball Four. Thanks for bringing up the memory guys.

Wayne

P.S. If you look back of Mickey Mantle’s biography, Whitey Ford’s biography, and Billy Martin's biography it took really about five seconds to put together how much carousing and drinking these guys did.

Cliff Lee: Dollars & Sense Part2

At 1 AM or so on 12/14/2010 the twitter verse exploded with the news that there indeed was a secret team in the Cliff Lee sweepstakes and oh goodness he was heading to Philadelphia. Phillies 5 years/24 million average overcoming the Yankees 6 years/22 million average.

Once again there were cries of money being left on the table. To which I reply, oh please Cliff Lee left no dollars on the table and maybe, just maybe, he went where he wanted to pitch.

Yesterday I gave you Arlington v New York, today I present Philadelphia v New York. At least when it comes to the world of taxes, cost of living, and money left on the table. *I'm using Philadelphia and New York City as the basis due to the fact that is where the teams play and I have no idea where Cliff and his family plans on residing.

Okay that 59% is a pretty incredible number. Let us put that together with the state and city taxes I was talking about in yesterday's post - though Pennsylvania actually has a tax of 3.07%, which is higher than Texas's 0%, though lower that New York's 11.3%.

My screen capture software doesn't seem to like today's graphic so I'll bullet point the important numbers

• **$32,450,000 Additional Amount over Five Year contract to cover cost of living difference (this has been adjusted from the initial figure of 64 to include that half the amount is not going to be adjusted for cola - well at least until below)
• **2,263,250 Additional Amount per year to cover difference in state taxes (this has been adjusted to include that half the games are on the road)
• **$28,942,650 Actual Amount per year Yankee off would need to be for Cliff Lee to not leave money on the table

Nearly 29 million dollars. Which is is way less than my original estimate of 37 million dollars and for that I'm thankful for those who have taken the time to read and comment. Either way, can we stop with the Cliff Lee left money on the table nonsense? Both numbers were certainly large enough to leave Cliff and his family feeling pretty good for life.

Oh, the 16 million dollars 6th year option. That presumes that Cliff won't pitch again after this contract. Okay, even if he retires after this contract he will still have made more money in Philadelphia than he would have in New York City the 12 million dollars easily covered due to the cost of living differences.

***Okay, the following two paragraphs are the third updates to this entry and I want to thank @Bill_TPA and @vijtable for bringing up diminishing value (aka diminishing marginal value) when it comes to cola for a contract this large. Or as an economics major @sabometrics wrote to me, "The concept of diminishing marginal utility makes the cost of living adjustments and, to a large extent the difference in the value of the contract, moot. Cliff Lee would likely only enjoy 150 million dollars a marginal amount more than he will enjoy 120 million dollars. Of course it is impossible to say what his specific marginal utility curve looks like but it's pretty safe to say that any of these contract put him at a pretty flat area of the curve."

Well, that seems to put a damper in my original conclusion when it comes to the largness of the numbers. I could even just hide behind "half the amount is not going to be adjusted for cola" but really there is no way that number holds up. Taking into account just the state tax dollars and a slight cost of living adjustment the numbers still add up, though not nearly as spectactularly cool as before and certainly not nearly the 59% difference as before. However I still feel strong enough about my original conclusion - or at least to figure that the Yanks would have had to upped the offer at least $1.00.

Cliff gets to pitch where he wanted to pitch, and in this case he certainly will be well paid and not a cent of New York's money was left on the table.

*
Clarification of why I chose these particular cities. Yes, you can use lesser suburbs (or wealthier) ones.
** Per valid points and feedback this number has been adjusted to reflect that he will spend 1/2 the year in Philadelphia and 1/2 the year in Arkansas
*** The third update

Cliff Lee: It's a Matter of Dollars and Sense

A lot has been said and written about Cliff Lee coming to New York or remaining in Texas. Mostly around how much more money he'll get.

I have zero knowledge when it comes to the inner workings of the mind of a major league pitcher. Luckily for you readers I do have some basic knowledge of taxes and the cost of living.

Rather than bore everyone with a long talk on tax planning I'm going straight to the visuals.

Using
http://www.bestplaces.net/col/?salary=21000000&city1=54804000&city2=53651000 I generated the following information.

Excuse me a moment while all my friends living in New York figure out a way to move to Arlington, Texas.

I know major league players don't HAVE to live in the city the team plays in (so feel free to put in the zip codes of the surrounding towns). What I do know from once upon a time of living in New Jersey and working in Brooklyn is that major league players have to pay New York City taxes. Don't ask me how it works just know that from a legal perspective it does.

The cost of living calculator did not seem to include the 11.3% New York State and New York City employment taxes that would be taken from Cliff's paycheck. Simply put Texas does not have a state income tax and New York does.

(There are some additional adjustments based on how many home games v road games, for simplicities sake I'm going to stick with 11.3% in taxes across Cliff's entire paycheck).

Presuming Cliff and his wife file jointly the pertinent tax information is as follows:

In New York pays more money in state taxes and offsets the 830K in federal taxes. So not only does Cliff Lee's cost of living go up he also pays an additional $1,542,750 to pitch in New York. I'm sure someone will comment that you can deduct states taxes paid from your federal taxes amount.

I already included the deduction in my calculations.

Yankee fans take heart. Know that if Cliff Lee does come play for the Yankees it will be because he probably thinks it is the best chance to win the World Series and it won't be because he is a pitching mercenary. Despite what people are sure to say if he signs.

Ten Things I'll Teach My Daughter about Editing

I'm going to teach unborn baby daughter about editing? Nah, I'm going to teach her about linking to other people's work when they write something that sums up my own feelings.

In this case from @ChuckWendig.

In this case, http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2010/12/06/why-youre-a-sucky-editor/

I'm not even giving a ten things list on this one. Chuck already took care of it. No really. There are ten items in the list & about a million great thoughts.

Really it doesn't matter if you're a screenwriter, blogger, white paper writer, or just a general human being. To me it applies to anyone who ever has to write a critical paper in his or her life.

Have a nice day.

Ten Things I'll Teach My Daughter About Ribs

As I continue the life lessons for Unborn Baby Girl it's time to talk about a great pleasure in life: RIBS!

That's right, capitalized with an exclamation point.

There are fewer things I find more enjoyable than a rack of ribs. They play an important part the pre-courtship of the wifey wife-we were in New Orleans together and she was impressed by my bravery of taking off my shirt (so I wouldn't spill sauce on it) sitting down in the middle of jazzfest and slurping down on some ribs.

Our friend Mike described it as "one of the most disgusting things he has ever seen."

Chances are by the time Unborn Baby Girl reads this she'll recall - probably when she was teething of me bellowing words to the effect of "she's ready!" and trying to feed her a rib.

There are many TYPES of ribs: St Louis, baby back, beef, spare, Kansas City, et cetera, and I highly recommend each and every type in an effort to fully understand the meaty goodness the world has to offer.

Socially speaking there are few instances less pleasurable than having a hunk of ribs with some friends while watching a football game. Especially since a rib bone doubles as an improvised weapon in a pinch.

Here are the ten things I'll teach my daughter about ribs:

1. When discussing ribs, as a Northerner, your opinion is subject to immediate disqualification in anyone living South of Pennsylvania or West of Delaware
2. Some of the greatest rib people are Northerners
3. My favorite all time rib eating moments: forcing down one last rack of ribs at Aaron's bachelor party in Memphis, the Wild Wood rib sampler, Tony's house in New Jersey (a friend's house), and St Louis with Mommy and Sig. A lamb rib in Turkey and my 36th birthday pig roast were disqualified from item #3.
4. Slow and low
5. The quality of meat matters
6. Brine
7. Order of ribs + sports enjoyment: football, baseball, and then...heck turn off the TV ribs and tennis do not exactly work together
8. Do NOT argue Wet v Dry - argue something less controversial like politics or abortion
9. Never wear a pink hat
10. The fact that there is a grill outside your window is merely a coincidence

So there you have it unborn baby girl. 10 things you need to know about ribs. And someday when you're attracted to a bald, chubby, shirtless man slurping on a rib...you get that from your mother.

That is all.

When Reporters Don't Make Sense

It's interesting that I'm going to give thoughts on an issue that may or not may even be an issue when Baby Girl learns how to read. I guess you can file this under: Things That Bother Daddy.

There have been recent discussions on whether newspapers should even bother to contain play-by-play accounts of the game, or whether the paper should presume that the reader has already seen the game.

I fall firmly on the side of: I don't care if you give play-by-play, yet if you decide to throw your opinion into the midst by logical and tell the entire story.

Daily News, I'm looking at you here.

One paragraph of background. Last night the Jets beat the Lions in OT after the Jets overcame a 10 point deficit. At one point the Jets roughed up the Lions kicker during a FG and knocked the kicker (briefly) out of the game. This is important later.

This morning the Daily News talked about the game.
Gary Myers wrote, "The injury caused by one of those personal fouls, however, actually might have won the Jets the game.

There were about nine minutes left in the third quarter when Detroit's Jason Hanson kicked a 21-yard field goal to get the Lions even at 10. But Trevor Pryce was called for roughing the kicker. Schwartz took the points off the board and on the next play, Matthew Stafford scored from the 1."

Let me great straight to this. There is NO WAY that personal foul might have helped the Jets win the game. Myers clearly states the Lions had scored three points, took those off the board after the foul, and then scored six points. In what universe does allowing your opponents to score twice as many points HELP your team?

In a different article Manish Mehta wrote, "The comeback was made possible by a missed extra point in the third quarter by Suh, the defensive lineman. With Jason Hanson hurt on a roughing the kicker call, Suh had to take the PAT attempt, but he hit the upright, giving the Lions only a 13-10 lead, not 14-10. That point - along with the horrible decisions in the final seconds - came back to haunt the Lions and help the Jets."

Mehta plays into the same odd logic trap: The PAT cost the Lions the game and only since the kicker was hurt did the team miss. He is actually correct in reporter than part of the story- though by not talking about how the injury resulted in additional Lions points in the the first he does not give the reader the entire story. Again, it bugs me.

The point is: If the Jets don't touch the kicker the Lions actually would have had three less points on the board in the first place. I won't even go into whether the game might have not been tied at the end - I have no idea on how it would have ended.

What does this have to do with my unborn daughter? I'm going to TRY to teach her to be logical and factual (actually Danielle is going to teach her to be logical and factual since she used to be the reporter) I'm going to file this entire episode under: question what you read, especially when it doesn't make logical sense.

Wayne

Ten Things I'll Teach My Daughter About Air Hockey

Last night I went to grab Mommy after a work event. Grab is such an overused word in this context - a more specific declarative would be, Yesterday Mommy was at a work event and won a gift certificate in a trivia contest - a co-worker of mine* was meeting a co-worker of Danielle's after Danielle's work event** so Daddy, co-worker Don and third co-worker Greg (yes I changed the names) all went over together.

Wow. I should have stuck with my original statement: Last night I went to grab Mommy after a work event.

Originally I wasn't going to go; however a gift certificate was going to cover the amount for dinner and there were games. I joined Mommy post-event last year and battled her co-worker Richard (name changed) in a single game of air hockey.

A single game since we were both so intense that sweat was dripping off our bodies by the end and oh, I happened to win. Which I indeed proceeded to mention whenever I saw him for the next year.

Ten things to know about Air Hockey. You'll probably be able to find it in the old folks games in the arcade.

1. It is perfectly legal to "accidentally" drop your forearm across the goal and block a shot - it stings though not nearly as much as losing
2. Sliding your paddle across the table to knock the puck into your opponents goal also perfectly legal and if you fail to score you can throw your entire body onto the table to block your goal
   
3. Challenger always pays
4. Never hold a beer while playing. That is a suckers move.
5. If your opponent does #3 it is your given right to crank the hardest shot possible at his or her prone body
6. Table-top air hockey is weak
7. Psychology matters. By psychology I mean trash talk is encouraged - no trash talk is required!
8. Mommy and Daddy played air hockey in New Orleans before we were dating. Mommy legit won when Daddy got too cocky.
   
9. An off-speed shot at your opponents goal is highly effective
10. A broken air hockey table is a sad sight
    

Daddy has a secret he and his friends used to go to a place called Fun & Games and play waaaaaaay too much Street Fighter II and Air Hockey. Captial letters on Air Hockey. The games were so intense that the puck invariably would be flying off the table by the end and it was eventually requested that we stop playing. I'm talking about the ability to purposely hit a puck so it'd fly three or four inches in the air - if you timed it correctly and your buddy was leaning across the table you could hit him in the top of the head.

I didn't tell Mommy's co-workers the above. Mostly as it'd really be disturbing to start a conversation that way when I originally met them. I believe what I said at the time was, I love air hockey - I used to play a little.

So what happened in the great rematch. Number ten happened! When I arrived I learned Ricardo and was 7-1 on the day, so Mommy and I went to find where they were playing.

Two things happened:
Ricardo lost! I'd like to think my pressence through him off. Probably not. Item #8 was always his weak spot and his opponent kept exploiting it.

And the Air Hockey table was taken out of service! I couldn't believe it. I think Ricardo and the others were a little shocked. The game next to air hockey was broken - a car game where you climb into the car and drive - and to fix the game the person had to climb under the car.

Which will lead to Daddy explaining video games at some point.

Either way Mommy and I left. After all, if you can't play Air Hockey, really what is point? Plus the gift certificate wasn't going to spend itself.

That is all.
Daddy (aka Wayne)

*How can I say co-worker when there are approximately 10,000+ employees at Bloomberg - it's like we are all from the same giant town and Don is from an old neighborhood I used to spend a lot of time in except now I just run into him at the mall and we get together for a drink sometimes. Random note of knowledge: I was once told that any gathering of 10,000+ people requires some sort of waiver on why it's exempt from being taxed as a town - I say I was told as I never verified this fact

**Danielle's office is more like a smaller town where everyone outside the town wants to say, I'm from THAT town.

Columbus: The Businessman

It's Columbus Day and time for the yearly controversy on what type of man Columbus was. Discoverer of America? Man of genocide? Man of blind luck and faith?

Here’s one: Columbus the businessman.

Ah yes, history loves to ignore business when it comes to brave explorers and discovery. Whether it was Portugal keeping fishing grounds secret, or the Church colonizing for greater profit we’re talking business. Big business. With the biggest prize still available during Columbus’s time.

The Goal
Passage to India as a stepping stone to the orient with lucrative ocean trade routes and the colonies that came with such routes.

Columbus wanted in and he came up with a plan that he presented to John II, King of Portugal.

The Business Plan
Columbus had a business plan? Nobody talks about this part much, but of course he did. You don’t walk up to the King with an outstretched hand unless there is something in it for royalty. And for yourself.

Columbus’s would be reward for discovery: 10% of all revenue from lands found, the title of "Great Admiral of the Ocean", and governor of whatever he found. At least that it what he asked for.

Unfortunately part of Columbus’s plan included the distance he would need to travel. Doubly unfortunately for him John II gave the plan to his committee and...Columbus was rejected. The committee pointing out that the calculations were off.

1488 Columbus tries again. Same plan. Only the world has now changed: Portugal already has rounded the tip of South Africa and was on its way to dominating the Eastern sea route.

Or basically someone else beat him to the goal. At this point there are two choices: give up or try someone else.

He tried someone else. Columbus presented his plan to Isabella, Queen of Spain – who is Portugal’s competitor. Once again he is referred to committee and...was told Columbus was wrong with his navigation assumptions.

Wait a minute? Spain rejected him? The history books mention this sometimes, usually filled out with not giving up and following the dream since four years later Columbus got his funding. There was one key difference with the final business plan.

It now included a map.

Business Espionage
Christopher had a brother Bartolomeo - a mapmaker in Lisbon. As far as private societies and organizations the cartographers were top of the heap as far as being secretive and violent. Unauthorized copying of maps was punishable by death.

Let me try that again. Punishable by death.

Only Bart fell out of favor in Lisbon and seeing the writing on the wall he did what people have done all the way from caveman days to modern business. He took bunch of company property in the form of maps and left town.

Columbus then appeared in court to pitch his plan again. Only this time he had a map showing LAND around the southern tip of Africa that would make the Portugal claims invalid AND proof that the trip westward would not be as long.

The contract was signed -exactly as he asked Portugal in the first place- and Columbus set sail.

Western discovery
So Columbus re-discovered a trade route to America, we all lived happily ever after, and he now has a day named after him as he retired to prestige and greatness. Oh, hold on, he ended up in chains?

Private diaries revealed that the Queen never REALLY expected Columbus to succeed or she wouldn't have signed the onerous contract in the first place. From Columbus’s point of view he wanted desperately to find gold and opportunities since a) it was the only way he'd get paid; and b) if he returned home empty handed then there was no way he'd get jack.

The Profit Game
Four voyages later Columbus found himself in chains and his reputation being smeared for being too violent. It was under those conditions the Queen finally broke her contract with him and took back everything he owned.

Yeah, Columbus got screwed by the Queen of Spain.

The Moral of the Story
Draw your own conclusions. Columbus ran a game - one that worked for him – he lied, got paid out, and for a while looked like he would retire a happy man. Only Queen Isabella turned out to be a bigger liar and a bigger liar with a lot more power. Either way his trip never happens if he doesn’t lie his ass off. He’s a little bit of everything – explorer, killer of people, and a heck of a business man.

And there is your history lesson.

Wayne

Pre-production for Bloomberg shoot

I have to go pick up some fake cockroaches for tonight's shoot.

They may not have been the oddest words I've ever uttered to my boss - though certainly it makes the top ten list - and her only request was that I not show the roaches to her since she hates roaches.

Now how did I up looking for roaches this fine Tuesday? Let's back up 24 hours.

plan A: Film in Central Park, two actors, branded programming for Bloomberg Sports - specifically the football product - and a punchline involving two pigeons.

Twenty four hours later.

plan B: Film in an apartment, one of the actors replaced because of a flu, branded programming for Bloomberg Sports - specifically the football product - and a punchline involving cockroaches.

At least it's still branded programming.

A quick aside on the actor replacement: I didn't even blink. I once had an actor get arrested at 2 AM of the morning of the first day of a film I directed called What Men Talk About. By the end of the film shoot I had him staying at my apartment so I'd know he would be on time for shooting. Having the flu - hey, stay at home better you're sick than I am.

Back to plan A & plan B.

Mother Nature doesn't really care about my production schedule - it's pretty much the first rule of filmmaking. She proved it by giving it an 80% chance of pouring rain. Fair enough. You know the second rule of filmmaking? Filmmaking is problem solving. plan B is solving the problem.

Well almost...there is always one last problem . A corporate approved script requires a multi-layered approval process. Pigeons, while commonly thought of as rats-with-wings is much more kid friendly than bugs that can survive a nuclear strike.

Thankfully it was only two people in this case and the reactions: "Any other animal possibilities?" and one very bemused look.

Ergo. I picked up my fake cockroaches for tonight's shoot.

Yep. This is my job sometimes.

Wayne
--
Follow me at www.twitter.com/wparillo

Ten Things I'll Teach My Daughter About Baseball

Danielle and I are expecting a daughter this March. Beyond the general excitement/fear/we did what? of becoming parents there are some immediate questions that comes up. First, Daughter baseball fan allegiance - we have

• Mets fan -Danielle's side of the family
• Red Sox fan - my side of the family, or
• Disowned if she becomes a Yankee fan.*

Second, whether I'll teach my daughter about baseball and how to play. Absolutely. My reply has surprised some people - probably fans of Rob Dibble - it didn't even OCCUR to me not to teach her to play or be a fan.

My initial baseball fandom-and all sports- came from my mother. From her I learned how to do math using batting averages, the importance of going from first to third on a hit, and why bleacher seats are so much fun. I keep hearing about baseball being about fathers & sons - definitely true, just not in my house.

Let me cover playing baseball for exactly one paragraph.

Danielle has better fundamentals than I do. Ask anyone who has ever seen her play softball (or myself play softball). During Mets Family Day people were shocked at how good a player she is as my pregnant wife and I played long toss in the outfield.

So leaving the teaching of fundamentals to Danielle here are ten things I'll teach my daughter (in no order) about baseball

1. Your team will give you the biggest joys and disappointments of your life
2. If an opposing player reaches into the stands for a foul ball it is your DUTY as a fan to get in his way
3. The importance of going from first to third on a hit
4. A free baseball ticket is a good baseball ticket (and a thank you note a must)
5. Become a Party Patrol person - because you get to fire the shirt gun
6. Wins & ERA are useless - now FIP & K/9 are worth knowing
7. Nothing wrong with Daddy having a shake shack, frites & a second burger
8. Never wear a pink hat. Ever.
9. When keeping score in the book and you miss a play look up the information on a mobile device (credit to Ben Kabak for that little trick)
10. Every statistic, knowledge, or reality goes out the window when you're cheering your team and you just want them to win

I really hope she doesn't become a Yankee fan though. I don't know that Danielle or I could handle it.

Wayne

*If the Yankee situation comes up I'm brining in a child training expert in the form Danielle's old friend Jason - his son Joshua is a rabid Mets fan so obviously whatever Jason did paid off.

Follow me at www.twitter.com/wparillo
www.thejetscurse.com

Anti-climactic Tennis

A tear was building up. I could see it developing on the corners of Danielle's eyes. Surely it was ready to descent down my beautiful wife's cheek.

It was all Nadal's fault.

He was raising his trophy high into the air, the entire culmination of an entire lifetime of work -okay he is 20-something but stick with me- leading to a history making Grand Slam. Certainly there would be words of wisdom, or a jubilant cheer to rock the foundations of the universe.

Cut to: Opening of the Chargers-Chiefs game.

Jarring writing above, right? Throws you out of the moment and makes you wonder what is up, right? Unfortunately the U.S. Open had one of the most anti-climactic of emotional climaxes as viewers wondered: Where the hell is ESPN Classic?

I must back up a bit first, Monday night Danielle and I were watching (enjoying isn’t the right word) the Jets-Ravens game, and flipping over to pro wrestling during commercial breaks. A massive thunderstorm had rolled through the area delaying the Jets game, the Mets game, and I THOUGHT the U.S. Open finals.

What also added to my thought that the finals had been cancelled was that CBS was showing Two and a Half Men. Being a good husband I had checked - after all Danielle is a huge tennis fan and I like to keep my wife joyously happy seeing as how she humors me so often.

Being a better wife Danielle checked her Blackberry - showing that the nefarious device was finally good for something - and that the U.S. Open

The U.S. Open was on ESPN2. CBS ran NO ticker saying to check out the other station. ESPN2 *mentioned* the ceremony would be on ESPN Classic - whatever the hell that is. Really the entire situation reminded me of TBS having technical difficulties during the playoffs and running Steve Harvey while trying to fix the situation but not telling anyone.

Either way the dramatic moment was ruined I looked toward Danielle wondering what she wanted to do.

"We can watch Monday night football," she said. Okay, I may not have even waited. I have no idea where ESPN Classic is.

Talk about anti-climactic.

Wayne

New School & New Meadowlands

In the Parillo household the beginning of the school year brought along the combo-platter of apprehension and excitement. Where would your friends be? Who moved away? Who would be in class? How the heck do you find your classroom? Wow, everything looks so different.

Going to Jets opening night at the New Meadowlands Stadium was much the same.

After covering last season Mark, Ben, and myself definitely think of Peter, Mo, and the father-son of Jimmy & Jim as our classmates on the Jets adventure of last year, or more accurately, they gave us a glimpse into the world of tailgating and their years and years of experience.

Which basically means we got to hang out with the older cooler kids.

As the season approached Peter and I emailed a few times. Basic stuff: where you sitting, who is coming back. The answers:Lot B, not really sure yet.

You go where?
It was a nice first day of school. Since Mark is now upstate and would be coming down with his father Ben and I arrived at the stadium - with a parking pass donated by my buddies Chris and Cory - at 2:15 - or exactly 15 minutes after the lot opened. Much like when a bus route gets changed from the year before parking proved to be a hiccup - especially when we reached the lot.

As I handed over the ticket I asked, "Where is Lot B?"

The Parking Lot woman told me there were only numbered lots and no lots with letters.

Thankfully I had a map and was able to point out that there is indeed a Lot B.

"Oh, I guess there is," she said.

"How do I get there?"

"Just go down this road and take a right," she said while pointing at the map.

Fifteen minutes later, several illegal turns, and being bounced back and forth between even more security people I got the low down. It turns out Lot B was nowhere near our current position and the only way to get to it would be to LEAVE the parking area and re-enter. Which is not possible given our parking pass had already been ripped.

Right.

Parking lot L it is. First day jitters by the new parking people. Could happen to any new people with a new route.

The Trek to Lot B & Hamsters
Parking Lot B is almost exactly halfway away from where we parked. No big deal since it was a very warm, wonderfully sunny day and it would allow us to get some shots of the New Meadowlands.

Lots of flags, signage, beer, and fires a-blazing. Though everything was slightly off – probably due to the fact that the stadium is in a different place than the old stadium. It’s like walking around your school yard and someone built a giant add on.

And then demolished the original structure.

Though some brilliant mind put fences up around the new structure. Lots of them. Beautiful cyclone fences made the place into hamster tubes. For Jets fans whom eventually get trapped in one of these cyclone behemoths I give you http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Hamster-Out-of-a-Tube.

Lot B also included a trip across two porticuses (porticli?)- I call them porticus even though they are really enclosed staircases attached by bridges that hang over the parking lot. It gives you the feeling that barbarians are going to storm the area.

Which will happen after a close loss when angry fans are denied the ability to cross the street from getting from the stadium to Lot B - I enjoyed the threat of a ticket for jay walking. Those cyclone fences are NOT very secure. Also, if you want a contact high you can stand in one of the porticus as people are already using it as a hidden get stoned area that rivaled anything I ever ran across in school.

The Gang is Here & It Feels…Different
Over the years Peter and the crew had become friendly with the people in the surrounding area. Between PSLs, parking lots, and logistics there was NO WAY they could get the neighbors to the new neighborhood. Which leaves you with a whole set of neighbors.

The little city within the city, which effectively screws up the school analogy. Such is life.

A friendly face greeted us in the new city in the form of Mo. Turns out he had to charm his way through security to let him get to his friends. He is now a proud grandfather and maybe he'll just show pictures of the grandkids to get through- at least that is what I'd do.

Yes, the kids are already wearing Jets onsies in case anyone wants to know.

We caught up with Peter. His perpetual state of optimistic pessimism wrapped up the Jets and life by pointing out the new setup was on grass though the big question would be what happens when it rains.

Jimmy, leaning back in his chair, relating stories about checking out his new seats at the top of the stadium, becoming nervous about falling down the steps, and ultimately buying different seats at a result.

And Jim, ever present sunglasses on as he cooked up fried ravioli, and more importantly, letting me in on the recipe.

After catching up, tasting some of the food (as usual), and questions about the Jets chances (assorted) Ben and I went off to find out the new kids to neighbor—err, school.

The New Neighbors
Jets fans are a friendly bunch - especially when you have a video camera. Ben discovered this first hand as a Ronnie from the Jersey Shore clone ran toward the camera and grabbed Ben.

"Please don't hurt the camera!" I yelled as Ben was picked up and tossed onto the hood of the truck. This actually seemed completely reasonable at the time and major credit to Ben for continuing to shoot and not drop the camera.

Ronnie-clone and his friends were outstanding people though. A much younger crew who had experienced the same issues as Peter and his crew – finding friends, getting in, PSL issues. When I asked why do Iit? Ronnie-clone gave me a friendly smile and said, "It's a nice day and it's Jets football. You just feel the love, man!"

The Ending of the Day
I won’t get into the aftermath of visiting others I know in the lot. Or the massive rain and lighting storm. Just the final thought: New school, same as the old school, except everyone looks a little different, and all of them have the same school spirit.

Even if they have to go through hamster tubes to hang out with friends.

Wayne
www.twitter.com/wparillo
www.thejetscurse.com

Why?

Why not?

Okay might you want a little more than that.

Life consists of a lot planned randomness. For me it's going to work, figuring out what to barbeque, marriage, the documentary - both post production & raising cash, my desire to compare psychology to sports, and that isn't even touching on the low-level portion of the program.

It's the in-betweens of those moments, or the moments themselves that are interesting. Or at last it is the stuff I end up telling my beautiful and patient wife Danielle about at the end of the night.

Or emailing friends about.

Or tweeting.

Or when I've blogged over the years.

That is everyone's life when you think about it (which I do) or some variant within. You wake up in the morning with an idea of what you want, and then randomness takes over. You can try to plan for the day but really...it ain't happening.

So welcome to my creative sandbox where I'll talk about a multitude of subjects - sometimes to inform, often to question, but always to share.

Like I said, why not.

Night humanoids.
Wayne