Ten Things I'll Teach My Daughter About Ribs

As I continue the life lessons for Unborn Baby Girl it's time to talk about a great pleasure in life: RIBS!

That's right, capitalized with an exclamation point.

There are fewer things I find more enjoyable than a rack of ribs. They play an important part the pre-courtship of the wifey wife-we were in New Orleans together and she was impressed by my bravery of taking off my shirt (so I wouldn't spill sauce on it) sitting down in the middle of jazzfest and slurping down on some ribs.

Our friend Mike described it as "one of the most disgusting things he has ever seen."

Chances are by the time Unborn Baby Girl reads this she'll recall - probably when she was teething of me bellowing words to the effect of "she's ready!" and trying to feed her a rib.

There are many TYPES of ribs: St Louis, baby back, beef, spare, Kansas City, et cetera, and I highly recommend each and every type in an effort to fully understand the meaty goodness the world has to offer.

Socially speaking there are few instances less pleasurable than having a hunk of ribs with some friends while watching a football game. Especially since a rib bone doubles as an improvised weapon in a pinch.

Here are the ten things I'll teach my daughter about ribs:

1. When discussing ribs, as a Northerner, your opinion is subject to immediate disqualification in anyone living South of Pennsylvania or West of Delaware
2. Some of the greatest rib people are Northerners
3. My favorite all time rib eating moments: forcing down one last rack of ribs at Aaron's bachelor party in Memphis, the Wild Wood rib sampler, Tony's house in New Jersey (a friend's house), and St Louis with Mommy and Sig. A lamb rib in Turkey and my 36th birthday pig roast were disqualified from item #3.
4. Slow and low
5. The quality of meat matters
6. Brine
7. Order of ribs + sports enjoyment: football, baseball, and then...heck turn off the TV ribs and tennis do not exactly work together
8. Do NOT argue Wet v Dry - argue something less controversial like politics or abortion
9. Never wear a pink hat
10. The fact that there is a grill outside your window is merely a coincidence

So there you have it unborn baby girl. 10 things you need to know about ribs. And someday when you're attracted to a bald, chubby, shirtless man slurping on a rib...you get that from your mother.

That is all.