Thursday, March 29, 2012

McCourt as a movie pitch

FADE IN

INT. HOLLYWOOD OFFICE

If over-the-top oppulence had an offspring, it would be this office. Movie posters of blockbusters, would be blockbusters, and a single picture of the President of the United States shaking hands with

MAX SIDEL (45), a man was carved from the tree of steal-your-dreams and good-intentions. His expensive suit is a second skin and his success an armor against failure.

MAX sits behind an oak desk which threatens to overwhelm the room. His expression is bemused.

MAX
He gets away with a billion dollars?

BARRY CHORD (26), stands on the other side of the desk. He has a reporter's instincts and a poet's heart.

BARRY
He gets away with it.

BARRY grins as he waits.

MAX
He buys a professional sports team with someone elses money. He chops it up into pieces for...

BARRY
...more money...

MAX
...to fund a lavish lifestyle with his wife. Who he divorces - not much of a love story there - and she goes after everything. Everyone hates this guy. He destroys the team to the point where the public turns on him...

MAX slows down, checking BARRY'S eyes to see if MAX is getting the story correct.

BARRY'S grin grows even more and he nods happily.

MAX
(Cont'd)
...he gets a billion dollars in debt, sort of. Cuts deals, sells his prize possession, yet stays involved with the new management, and...

BARRY
...he makes a billion dollars.

MAX stares at BARRY.

BARRY stares at MAX.

MAX
That is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard. Get out of my office.

FADE OUT

Oh, the story is real. Damn.

Wayne

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

From the Department of Bad Timing

Slated for a July release, Neighborhood Watch is a comedy starring Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, Vince Vaughn and Billy Crudup as a quartet of volunteer watchmen who engage in hilarious hijinks as they cruise their suburban neighborhood seeking out troublemakers.

Apparently it has a 60 million dollar budget.

I am guessing the release gets held off.

Wayne

Monday, March 26, 2012

I am officially impinged

My career as an amateur wrestler comes back to hinder me at odd times. When I was a High School freshman I weighed a glorious 80 pounds while standing a diminutive 4 foot 6 inches tall. Shockingly enough I was recruited to the wrestling team - recruited as the team needed someone to fill in the 103 pound weight class.

By the time I left high school I was more than a foot taller and was a solid 125 pound chunk of muscle (Danielle just laughed). A large part of my chunk of muscle was due to working out for four years as a wrestler.

Turns out one of the biggest causes - no one is sure of the exact cause (naturally) - of a hip impingement though weight training during growth spurts seems to pop up a lot. Right now I am being treated with physical therapy as this is one of those injuries that you try to live with.

Though initially I wasn't able to sleep at night, broke into various sweats, shivered quite a bit and wondering what the heck was happening. Happily that has ended as my body has adjusted to the actual work involved.

This will not have much a of hindrance for my life. Other than some PT, some pain, and my inability to run win sprints right now.* Though that last part wasn't something that was going to happen anyway.

Wayne

* Danielle may disagree on this point as I was laid up this weekend from the initial problems.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Sienna the carnivore (and cake slayer)

"Send more meat."

As as I parent I never thought that lilliputian statement would make my heart flutter, yet it did. The words escaped the mouth of our Polish daycare provider - someday I'll learn all the names - as we discussed Sienna's food intake.

Danielle thought it was hysterical when I told her. Then she told me about how she was in Caputo's Bakery with Sienna and how our lovely child reached out her hands toward a piece of cake.

So who is Sienna more like? Apparently a fine mixture of both of our best qualities.

Wayne

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Danielle will be in charge of the education

I read this article today:
http://deadspin.com/5893189/what-happens-when-a-35+year+old-man-retakes-the-sat
which subsequently took me into a car crash of emotion, mental gymnastics, and denial of my own SAT experiences.

Sienna is being raised by parents who both receive English degrees - I also picked up a minor in Psychology and a concentration in Computer Science as UMASS gives you extra diplomas when you're in school long enough - which does not signify collegiate success, merely that both parents took the SATs.

Danielle was a far superior student to myself. She received high grades in High School, scoring well on her SATs while exhibiting study habits worthy of inclusion to Bronx Science High School. For non-New Yorkers this was the second most difficult high school to get into. I know this since OTHER students who went there at the same time as Danielle told me this - when I asked Danielle she simply shrugged. Danielle leaves the bragging of her accomplishments to me.

My own SAT and High School experience was a swampland of mediocrity with an island of A+ grades in subjects I enjoyed, where my father played the role of filling in the swamp to make it habitable. Okay, that was a stretch of an analogy at best. My father spent many a day screaming at me for bad grades, being spot on that I was intelligent as I'd take books to class, not disturbing anyone as I quiet read in the back of the classroom while some teacher spouted gobblygook. Turns out Dad was right, though it didn't help my study habits.

Remarkably enough in the SAT section I received a perfect score in one of the grammar sections. Apparently only a few students received such an honor. Or so a teacher told me. I thought of it more as even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

I didn't really start focusing in college until my Junior and then two Senior years. Intelligence and interest destroying a lack of good study habits. Which is why Danielle gets to work with Sienna on study habits. I never really had good study habits, my last three years of college was finding classes I liked - mostly high level writing classes that I had to talk my way into - Psychology courses and accounting courses. Even my computer science classes did not require good study habits - they required data structures comprehension, which somehow I understood.

So thank you deadspin for a nam like flashback to my education. Oh, interestingly enough Sienna has shown an enjoyment of music already - I hope she becomes a math or music major. That way Danielle and I can continue the time honored tradition of parent not understanding child and still allow Sienna to bellow out, "You just don't get me!"

Wayne

Monday, March 19, 2012

Tales of the Daughter: Daddy & Sienna go to a birthday party

One of Danielle's closest friends is Brian. So close that she signed the Ketubah at his wedding and he signed ours. Fast-forward to now and Brian has a two-year-old daughter Logan. It was Logan's birthday and hey, Sienna was invited to the party.

Naturally Danielle got sick this past weekend when Logan's party was planned. I've certainly become friends with Brian and his fantastic wife Stacie. I'm completely comfortable in a setting with strangers, having taken Sienna to the playground on solo action.

I won't lie about this. No parent REALLY wants to be the parent with screaming child who can't be consoled. At these type of events when Sienna heads toward meltdown Danielle holds her until she calms down. Usually there are lots of strangers in close proximity.

You know, like a birthday party.

A birthday party with lots and lots of screaming children where daycare has pointedly told Danielle and myself, "Sienna plays by herself and doesn't always interact with the other children." This is not a surprise given that Sienna's favorite expression is to stone-facedly check out what has happening around her, weigh her options, and generally do what she wants.

I had the option of staying home with Danielle. Surely parents would understand. Especially given that the party was scheduled for the middle of Sienna's nap and Sienna had already spent Sunday sleeping extra long for her first nap.

Maybe she just knew she needed the energy. I figured the entire event would be Sienna's continuation of being around strangers and also a little Daddy solo action. After all, the summer is almost here and outdoors soloing will be the norm pretty soon.

Sienna and I took the 40 minute subway ride - Sunday hours - into the city. At the front desk of the Appleseed Children's Center* the desk person responded to my inquiry about the party location with, "Oh, you won't be able to miss the party."

She was right.

There must have been 20-25 kids and 40 or so adults in the playspace. Luckily it was large enough to accompany everyone easily. As Logan is two years old Sienna was the defacto youngest person by...oh...9 months or so.

20 kids running around throwing balls at each other, running around with mini-golf-clubs and the parents half-a-step behind the little speedsters. I put Sienna down on one of the giant mats, whispering sweet tidings in her ear. She reached for a yellow ball, which I gave her, and she sat and watched the proceedings for 15 solid minutes.

Like I said, Sienna likes to check out the action.

I was okay with her night crawling all over the place - though she was eyeing a bunch of balls that were right in the middle of a basketball game. I'm not sure the kids would have stopped playing and I'm positive that the parents wouldn't be able to catch the kids in the time.

A while later we moved into another room where the two year olds colored around a giant table. Not issue for Sienna as she enjoyed the rug, drank some of her milk and then decided the most interesting item in the universe was the top of her milk bottle.

Some kids and parents would stop by and say hello at the lightning speed that children judge all objects: interesting or not. I was pleased when Sienna engaged in a minor game of catch with a two year old. A set of twin babies - age six months - also appeared thus negating Sienna's existing as the youngest.

Sienna even danced a bit, enjoyed nibbling on some pizza and did her annihilation of a piece of cake that resembles a snake unhinging its jaw to eat its prey**

Overall is was a great experience. Sienna didn't cry when I changed her before she left, she had some fun, and she loves being on the subway. Danielle woke up just before we arrived home and Sienna proceeded to tear around the apartment playing with her toys.

Solo parenting adventure = done.

Wayne
* That may not have been the name. I don't feel like looking it up.

** I am judging all parents on how they react to my snake/jaw comment. Horrified look = no fun. Laugh = fun.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Sienna and her performance art

Sienna has been channelling her inner-thespian the last few weeks. This morning she raised her craft to new heights.

Her favorite is to sit down, raise her right arm and point skyward, and then fall over sideways. With her arm still raised over her head she rolls onto her back and starts crying.

If you stand over her Sienna then rolls from side-to-side whole tears well up. Danielle and I walk away, knowing she just wants attention. Usually after one minute she will come crawling after us.

This morning she was on the ground and when I went to walk away she rolled onto her stomach, lunged forward and wrapped herself around my foot.

Her hands have a surprisingly strong grip. I tried to gently pull away, though she looked up at me with accusing baby eyes and let out a plaintif wail.

That is right. Sienna captured her audience.

Wayne

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Teething

Now that I have the blogger app on my iPhone expect quite a few more "Sienna just did x posts."

Since someone somewhere is storing this data then I fully expect her to someday walk up to me with an evil glare followed by a disertation on my poor grammar structure.

At which moment I shall remind her of events like last night. As she happily crawls about with a belly full of blueberry pancakes she has no recollection of her adventures on teething.

Her power screaming - something she never does - until I came and got her. Oragel does not always fix everything, there are times Mommy's shoulder is the only remedy.

For the first time ever Sienna conked out in bed with us. Scudder was the most effected as I kept tossing him off the bed onto the floor. Actually Mommy too since it was her shoulder in use. Daddy fell back asleep, snoring away.

Now how will I use this blog entry to defend myself? Easy enough. Mommy is tired this morning and we are coffeeless. This may be my last blog entry Sienna!

See. Teething. You never know the results.

Wayne

Friday, March 9, 2012

In bed early & my father lies

My father used to sleep - as near as I could tell - about 4 to 5 hours a night. I asked him about it once to which he replied, "As you get older you'll need less sleep."

Certainly a cool thought. In college I didn't sleep much, post-college seemingly even less, I hit 30 needing even less sleep, as I sprinted toward 40 I...holy sweet mother of Jesus I need to sleep. It came out of nowhere. I just figured I was blessed with decent genetics and was one of those people who loves life so much he couldn't get enough of it.

Hah!

Yeah, right. Youthful exuberance mixed together with youthful ignorance.

If I don't get seven hours then I zombie-fy after about two days. I could say this has something to do with sleep deprivation from Sienna's early days except I spent fou--five--years at college doing this.

I followed up with father. He laughed at me. Love when my father laughs at me.

"You'll get sleep when she turns 18 and by then you'll be used to non-sleep. I didn't want to scare you off children by telling you that."

Can't wait to find out what else the man was less than truthful about.

Now I'm trying to get to bed early - hello early-bird specials! - try to grab sleep.

Wayne

Thursday, March 8, 2012

A Gaming Store Makes a Neighborhood Complete

As the section of Brooklyn I reside in moves to a new level - rock climbing facility, yes; cheesemonger, yes; butcher, yes; over priced bards that I avoid, yes - there is always one level of happiness that remains elusive: a decent hobby store for gaming.

Growing up in Massachusetts there were several stores where one could reach a certain level of nerdiness in the form of a hobby story. Board games, miniatures, fellow gamers. Back then I was far more interested in Blood Bowl* and Advanced Dungeons and Dragons - however several of the game stores had a certain element in common.

Tables for people to meet and play games.

The tables for meeting to play games was offset by some of the more standard fairs of a hobby story: tables covered in minitatures. A table full of adults sitting around painting minitatures together is creepy. Oh, is that offensive? Sorry, it is true.

As opposed to Mark and I painted a castle for Sienna's room. That was cool.

When the Brooklyn Strategist opened in Brooklyn I noticed two things about it (a) board games only! (Awesome) and (b) no miniatures or painting going on.

I've now gone back in the story four times. Once with Danielle, once with Danielle and Sienna, once with Mark, and once with Carlos. The store owner is friendly, there appears to be almost every board game EVER there, and meetups are planned for playing - like the one Carlos and I went to last night.

My neighborhood is now complete. There is a good game story. Complete with no miniatures.

Wayne

* Perhaps the most underrated game EVER

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Sienna's favorite toy

Sienna has graduated from playing with Scudder all the time to Figment the Dragon.

Interestingly enough Figment is an ancient purchase made when Danielle was in Disney. The dragon laired a long time until Grandma Trudy brought him over.

The kicker is that Danielle has slept with Figment in our bed the last few nights. Count em up - me, Danielle, a cat and a dragon.

Wayne