13 Baseball Sundays with Sienna: Game 3 - Kids Dash

Nobody wants to be "that guy" when it comes to a kid.

You hear or read about stories involving parents and children. The type of stories that you read and you think "that guy with the kid is an idiot." Whenever I am about to do something dumb when Sienna is around I think about how the newspaper article would read and whether the reaction would lead to "that guy with the kid is an idiot."

That very thought crossed my mind as I considered testing whether I could physically put the gas pedal through the floor of my Jetta. I could practically see my car going warp three up the BQE.

Sienna was in the backseat oblivious to my momentary day dream of a Star Trek engine in our Jetta. What was most likely on Sienna's mind was that Grandma was providing closeup entertainment in the back of the car. I could hear Grandma making various high pitched talking noises that resulted in high pitched squeals of joy from Sienna.

On the radio the Mets mothership - at least that is what I call it - informed me that the Mets were up 3 - 1 in the top of 9th with the Mets having a pitching change. A few extra minutes of time for me.

Important time. I wanted to get to the statement. I had a couple of VIP passes for Sienna and myself, specifically obtained so we could participate in the Kids Dash. That is if I managed to get to the stadium before the game ended.

I really wanted to speed.

25 YEARS EARLIER - BOSTONBathroom usage in Boston might as well be a VIP privilege. When the designers of the city created its spoke-like street setup, it not only foregoed common-sense design, it foregoed (forewent?) having bathrooms in the known universe.

Which was unfortunate as I told my brother, "I need to use the bathroom, Brian."

My brother and I were outside Fenway Park, clearly within range of hearing the roar of the crowd. Not that we had tickets. Not that we had actually planned on being anywhere NEAR Fenway Park that day. I don't know exactly what we were doing in Boston that day. Just that is was extremely hot and from the noise of the crowd...something was happening.

All of those facts had minimal impact at the time. The most important fact was I really need to empty my bladder.

The bathroom situation in Boston is so bad that in  college my friends an I would be forced to turn an alley into a urinal. That is even though we could afford to go into a restaraunt and buy something, or into a bar, or into one of the millions of pizza places.

At thirteen I was too young to go into a bar, no way I'd be let into a restaurant, and I had no money for a pizza place. Which left the Boston Red Sox official team store as my last best hope.

"I'm going in there," I told my brother Brian. With that I wandered into the store, my brother informing me he would stay outside Fenway, his sixteen-year-old hormones satiated by watching girls.

10 MINUTES EARLIER - BROOKLYNI was behind a girl. A three-year-old girl to be specific. A slow moving three-year-old girl to be as specific as possible. It wasn't her fault I had left my tickets inside, thwarting my own plan to drive down the street as quickly as possible.

My neighbor was teaching her three-year-old daughter to navigate the steps of our apartment complex. A younger me would have a) jumped over both of them, or b) pushed on by them. The older more mature me with the hip injury that requires surgery can a) not jump over a phone book at this point, or b) risk being hip checked down some steps.

I waited with as much patience as I could muster. Knowing I had come so far with my Sunday adventure already and also that it would be ironic if I was late to the Kids Dash because a little kid walking in front of me was decidedly NOT dashing anywhere.

15 MINUTES EARLIER - BROOKLYN"I just need to use the bathroom and then we go." Grandma Trudy was rushing through the door into our apartment. She rightfully wanted to use the bathroom, after all she had just spent three plus hours stuck in traffic thanks to some sort of bicycle event that had taken over New York.

Sienna was adorable in her Sunday Mets best. Okay, Sienna was adorable in her Sunday Mets best half asleep in my arms, having just waken up from a long afternoon nap. Freshly changed it was about the only part of the plan that had gone correctly all day.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long." She adds the thought after she finishes using the bathroom.

"No, she has only been up for three minutes. Let's go." Grandma Trudy did not mentioned that I looked like an extra from some MLB souvenier commericials: Mets jersey, Mets hat, Mets t-shirt. Yeah, fandom gets a little crazy sometimes. Especially since most of the gear was due to Danielle's influence.

I needed backseat Grandma to feed Sienna though. One does not abandon his partner in crimes no matter the circumstances. Well, sometimes the circumstances do warrant it.

25 YEARS EARLIER - BOSTONThe circumstances warranted the ditching. I didn't intend to ditch Brian. It just sort of happened.

"Hey, you guys have a bathroom I can use?"

I'm inside the souvenir shop. My mouth waters from being surrounded by team gear I would never be able to afford. There is no one else in the shop, which accounts for the guy at the counter not even looking up as I enter.

"Yeah, go through the doors back there, take a right, top of the stairs."

I bolt in the direction of what he has given me. Through the doors...take a right...top of the stairs.
Suddenly I find myself along the third base loge INSIDE of Fenway Park. The crowd is on its feet cheering wildly.

The guy sent me into a bathroom INSIDE of Fenway Park. It is like a hidden trail that I am sure much wiser people than myself know about. How I didn't know about this is beyond me.

Though it doesn't matter to me. I am definitely in a place I am not supposed to be.

It is incredible what you can plan and execute in fifteen seconds. It was the seventh inning of the game with Boston at bat. People were up cheering and a Red Sox player was rounding third and heading for home. Less than fifteen feet away from I could see...seats.

Blessed empty seats a couple of people in from the aisle. That is if I snuck past the usher who was paying attention to the field, get past two people with seats next to the aisle.

Not a problem and approximately eight seconds later my full bladder and I were nestled into our seats. Two seats. Two bad Brian didn't come in with me.

30 MINUTES EARLIER - BROOKLYNI as nestled into the seat of our couch as I read the email from Danielle. She doesn't think I'll make the game. RA Dickey is a fast pitcher on a slow day. On a fast day RA Dickey resembles a sprinter who happens to pitch. Catch the ball, nearly runs to the mound, fires a pitch in.

RA Dickey is now ruining my afternoon. RA Dickey is personally screwing up my planned afternoon with my daughter. As a fellow parent I figured the man who have some sympathy for my plan.
In my mind RA Dickey also has a clue of existence and who I am. I can't always say I am firmly in reality.

I call Danielle.

"Maybe I should wake up Sienna."

I credit Danielle that she didn't just hang the phone up on me. No parent ever wishes a child wakeup. Ever. You just don't do it. It is unthinkable even as the words escape my mouth and reach my ears.

25 YEARS EARLIER - BOSTONThe words reach my ears. An undeniable klaxon of enjoyment interuptus. "I'm with him!"

There are words you don't want to hear and times you do not want to hear them.

As a younger brother I have been trained to react to my older brother's voice no matter where I am. In this case I'm in my seat at Fenway Park. I have no idea how my brother even spotted me. What I do know is he is arguing with the usher in the section where I am sitting in my illegal seat.

I have about six seconds before I'm about to lose my great seat at Fenway Park.

I turn to the guy next to me - I haven't even look at him since I sat down - I don't even care about his existence until this second. A guy in his mid-20s, his eyes are glazed over from too much beer, though to his credit he is sitting next to a super attractive blonde.

"I need your ticket stub," I say to the guy.

"Huh?"

"Ineedyourticketstub." It comes out twenty times faster than I'd like.

The guy is completely useless. Luckily the super attractive blonder is NOT.

"Here," she says, reaching across her useless date and handing me her ticket.

I turn toward my brother's direction and yell, "Hey, moron, you left your ticket stub!"

That gets the usher, my brother's, and pretty much everyone in the sections attention. My brother gives a "what can you do?" shrug to the usher then quickly joins me. We go play the farce to the end with myself handing him to the ticket as he sits down next to me.

"Were you planning on coming out?" Brian asks me.

"No," I tell him.

It's only the 7th inning. A few more innings of baseball to watch. I really would have left him outside. Business is business.

60 MINUTES EARLIER - BROOKLYN
Business is business. Grandma Trudy calls to give me an update. She is now less than a mile from the house. Traffic is crawling. At this rate Sienna will wake up and I'll have to make the decision on whether to wait for Grandma or not.

When I got married my father told me, "You aren't just marrying Danielle, you're marrying her mother too."
Realistically I won't leave Grandma behind. Really. I swear.

Okay, maybe I will. If she just drove faster then I wouldn't be left to the decision. I look at the baby monitor that is pointed at Sienna's bed. My daughter really loves her weekend sleep. All will be well. I ponder what sort of cosmic craziness would put Grandma late and Sienna awake.

90 MINUTES EARLIER - BROOKLYNMy Iphone buzzes with Danielle on the other end of the line. Her mother is stuck in traffic going on a trip to New Jersey. Do I care if she stops by the house?

Sure, no problem I tell her. Since I have an extra ticket I can even bring Grandma to the game with us. It isn't a completely altruistic maneuver. Depending on what time Sienna wakes up my daughter may be hungry. I know I'm going to want to get to the ballpark, though there is no way I'm NOT feeding and changing my child. If Grandma is around to help then I can change Sienna and Grandma can feed Sienna in the car.

I tell Danielle my reasoning. Just to make sure I'm not crossing over some unknown son-in-law line. I'm not.

I call Grandma Trudy. She is indeed stuck on the BQE, trying to get to New Jersey. She is grateful for the confirmation of a place to stop and yes, if she gets to me in time she will happily join us for the end of the baseball game. Grandma Trudy loves her Mets. She also loves her granddaughter Sienna.

One door closes, another one opens, or some sort of cliche like that.

2 HOURS EARLIER - BROOKLYN
I'm not watching the Mets game. I consider it bad form to spend one of the 13 Sundays watching baseball with Sienna not actually watching baseball with Sienna. The DVR is my friend. I have a lot of catching up to do. Since I'm irresponsible I choose to play video games instead.

25 YEARS EARLIER - BOSTONSince I'm irresponsible I try not to brag to the people around us. My brother gives me a withering look. The flirt shamelessly with the blonde, completely ignoring the drunk guy. I am thirteen, I am on top of the world.

2 HOURS 30 MINUTES EARLIER - BROOKLYNI am thirty-eight, I am on top of the world.

I put Sienna down for her nap. Her Sunday nap is usually just over and hour. Ninety minutes tops. We will get to the game, catch the final three innings, finally get her to see some live baseball this season, and importantly enough participate in the Kids Dash.

Sienna, looking glorious in her pink Mets onside that I've supplemented with a pair of her jeans, snuggles up to her stuffed leopard Spot and closes her eyes.

I laugh as I exit Sienna's bedroom and close the door.

25 YEARS EARLIER - BOSTON
My brother and I laugh as we exit Fenway Park. Three innings of baseball. Three innings of what-an-adventure enjoyment. I suddenly remember something.

"Brian, I still gotta take a piss."

CITI FIELD - THE PRESENT"And that's the ball game!"

No, I didn't time it perfectly. We pulled into the spot seconds AFTER the game ended. As we opened the door I could hear "Taking Care of Business" blaring out of the stadium.

I had seen the line that snaked around the outside of the stadium. Filled with people waiting to get in.
From last year's Kids Dash I knew that the field takes about 30 minutes to set up before people are let onto it. I loaded up Sienna into her baby bjorn in record time. Even with my injured hip I moved across the parking lot at a pretty good clip.

Danielle met us near an entrance - people streaming out as we tried to stream it. The toughest part will be getting people to understand we have a valid ticket. That is the toughest part.

The ticket.

Unlike 25 years ago I didn't need to sneak in the bathroom door this time. It was a matter of Danielle getting us to the correct person to zap our passes so we could go in with the VIP people. I can't even say my wife got us the passes. It didn't hurt that a beautiful woman once again kept me IN the ballpark once I was there.
And then Sienna and I ran the field together. Actually, that part isn't true. I carried Sienna around the field.

That part needs further explanation. Sienna did a koala hold - arms around my next, squeeze as hard as possible - as I carried her around the field. Even the Pepsi Patrol Party Girls remarking on my daughter's cuteness did not make the experience any more enjoyable.

That is until we reached home plate. At that point Sienna smiled, pulled her arms away from me and...reached out to Mommy who was waiting for her. I have a smart daughter. One who keeps me from driving too fast.

Kids Dash indeed. I am the guy carrying his child around the field. Nearly one year to the day that I carried her around the field.

I get to the be that guy.
Wayne