Bottle drama at 4:56 AM

The clock read a very bleary 4:56 AM. Bleary since my eyes can barely focus on anything when I wake up, never mind at 4:56 AM in the morning.

Sienna had been crying for a good half an hour.*

Somewhere along the line Sienna started refusing to drink from the bottle. Refusing may be too strong a word - after all she only cries, refuses to hold the bottle, and general creates what day care refers to as "drama." Actually refusing is exactly the right word. She isn't drinking as milk as before. Day care is worried a tiny bit and so are we.

Danielle and I are trying to do our part by giving me the 5:30 AM feeding via the bottle. Sienna can't tell time though and believes that 4:56 AM is an appropriate time.

Two minutes of warming up the water. Putting her bottle in it. Then getting Sienna from her crib.

She is in crawl position and heads right toward the sound of the door opening when I enter the room. She lifts her head up and lets out a wail. Even in the semi-darkness I can see the reflection off her tear soaked face.

I pick her up and after a few steps she stops crying - though she looks dazed. Crying off and on forty five minutes will do that to you. I am doing my best not to trip as I walk down the hallway. Every imperfection of the wood suddenly seems like a tripping hazard as I make my way to the kitchen.

Sienna does NOT like being loaded and seatbelted into her boppy this morning and starts crying again. She is used to Mommy's breast when we are in the house and she knows Mommy is SOMEWHERE around here. She can sense her.

Baby Spider-sense.

I get the bottle, kneel down next to her, and the two tiny hands immediate the progress to her mouth. She adds to her Baby Drama by attempting to do a neck bridge while screaming. I am positive that someday this will flip the boppy - instead the seatbelt does its job.

I try to reason with her.

Hah.

Right.

She stops long enough to take the bottle in her mouth, gives the nipple a chew, and then spits it out. Never mind me having no time to reinforce the concept of holding the bottle.

This dance continues for the next five minutes - only stopping long enough to remove a hanging toy that Sienna has decided it is time to play with - with the bottle in, bottle out, more crying; I intellectualize the entire situation.

I have to. Sienna is hungry and her pattern is being changed. A pattern Daddy and Mommy helped created.

Still though all I want is for her to drink from the bottle.

The Baby Drama has drawn Scudder in from the bedroom. He comes by, sniffs the situation out, then sits down in the kitchen. I snap at Scudder when he lets out a plaintive meow.

I'm not about to snap at my child. She now has the bottle in her mouth. She takes down a full ounce this time. She gets one hand up. She has stopped crying now.

This is usually the part during the breastfeeding where she stops eating for a second, gives a smile and the continues. She stops eating, gives me a frown and lets out a wail.

I THINK for a moment that I hear Danielle yell for me. I hope not as I tell Sienna that Mommy isn't an option and that she has to eat the food. That we will be here all morning if necessary.

It is a blur really. Fatigue. Hope. Everything as disconnected now as it was in the moment. Sienna drinks some more - spits out the bottle and then turns bright red.

Her faces seems to morph slightly into a square that takes on the hue of a fire hydrant and her eyes water up once again. This is her universal sign she is going the bathroom.

I offer her some encouragement while she finishes her baby business. At least I know there will be a present waiting for me in the diaper. She eats some more.

More.

A little more.

She has an ounce left.

One ounce.
She quits on me.
One ounce short.

The undeniable I'm Done! A parent can tell these things. A tired parent may even been convincing himself.

5:18 when I take her back to her crib. She lets out a HUGE wail - the loudest one yet when she knows that pre-breakfast is now done. One dirty diaper change later she is back in bed.

I figure it will take me two weeks of morning baby drama before she is holding her own bottle. She has done it in the past. Today was about breaking the concept that if I refuse Mommy is around to feed me.

I feel strict. That I was forceful with what is going on. I held to me guns.

Yeah, I'm a parent. Nine months and one day into Sienna's life and I am definitely a parent. I look at the baby monitor: she is already asleep, less than a minute after I left her.

Wayne
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* To any non-parent this mostly likely sounds similar to child abuse. Please. You pick up a crying child quickly and you know what you get? A child who knows she will be picked up if she cried. Kids are smart, Sienna instantly knows what mommy and daddy are really feeling. If I had her people reading skills I'd be in charge of the universe. A child can also cry soothe herself back to sleep after a few minutes.