Top Chef: Texas. A season so confusing my DVR keeps forgetting to record it since the title is so wacky. Gotta love technology.
Danielle and I have been watching Top Chef since Season 3, which was memorable because Hung was one of the baddest ass chefs ever, annihilated a chicken during a butchering competition, built a candy land breakfast dish that seemed inspired by Alice in Wonderland, and made us fall in love with the show.
Like a professional sport Top Chef has advanced to such a state that there now seem to be some "unwritten rules" - including my favorite of, Do something traditional, except add your own spin; if tastes good then you will be complimented on adding the spin, if it tastes bad then you will be mocked.
Other unwritten rules include:
- A contestant will royally screw up yet manage to survive that episode. We are talking about an episode where you think, That person should be taken outside, executed, and fed to the crows. Yet the screw up is never mentioned. Lindsay, I'm looking at you.
- A contestant will be continuously awful, yet Top Chef states specifically you are only judged on this week's dish. Therefore the contestant skates past since there is always someone worse. Hello, Chris from Moto.
- Someone will grow on us. A person you think is terrible will exhibit enough personality and chef skills that you ignore the fact that you can't recall one dish he or she has cooked, yet you root for them. Tell tale word signals include, "Love in dish," that Padma likes them, or that you laugh with them not at them. Grayson, this is yours.
- People will complain someone is doing "Asian flavors" too much. For some reason people act like Asia is the size of Rhode Island when it comes to flavor profiles. People are fucking dumb.
There really is no point in watching Top Chef until you're down to the final 10 and no need to pay attention until it is the final eight since you can't remember people's names anyway. Top Chef also falls into one or two type of seasons: the chefs make interesting food, let us focus on that; or the chefs suck, let us discuss personalities.
This is the personality season. Let us talk about who is left.
Beverly, a fine Asian woman who appears to be emotional unstable. Okay, that is not unheard of for a chef. Her lack of stability seems to be from (a) she was in an emotionally abusive relationship once upon a time, (b) her lack of social graces due to her parents being over protective as a child. She brought both of these up in talking head interviews. I can't talk about anything she has actually cooked that had more complexity than shrimp. People do not want to work with her, though they are not as contemptuous of her as other contestants. Chance of winning: 4%
Lindsay could have been voted off earlier this season due to sabotage. Instead she has continued to cook away, be on a winning team, and be completely bland unless she is yelling at someone. I am having trouble forgiving Lindsay's sabotage. She seems to actually know how to play the game though: cook middling dishes, ignore everything else. I have a feeling she is going to bust out some badass dishes to make the finals. Chance of winning: 15%
Paul is quietly kicking the crap out of the competition while winning money challenges along the way. How good is he right now? Tom called him out at the last judge's table for winning 35K so far. If he survives kitchen wars then he might win this whole thing outright. Chance of winning: 46%
Ed, also Asian, is one of two people to have actually not be one of the original contestants. He won a cook off to stay on the show when his initial cooking on the bubble. His flavors as actually interesting, plus the backstory that he runs a mobile cooking unit. Unfortunately he seems to be a bit of whiner. On the other hand he once cut himself in the competition, yet kept cooking while blood went all over the place. Chance of winning: 10%
Sarah, speaking of whining. She is either from Chicago or Texas, depending on the day of the week, and is arguably the most irritating contestant left. Actually that isn't even arguable she is the most irritating. Chance of winning: 3%
Grayson, another survivor of the bubble cooking. She has two things going for her (1) she is not affiliated with the restaurant and (2) she is crazy. She compared a dish to sex, imitated a frog, and has been on the bottom numerous times. You have to love her though. Chance of winning: 6%
Chris of Moto, has made me never want to eat at Moto. He sure talks a lot. A lot. Did I mention a lot? He is all gimmick with no execution where even the gimmick makes you wonder what the hell he is thinking. He is getting by since someone else is sucking worse that episode. Even Tom has a look like, I'm going to end you right now. Chance of winning: 1%.
Ty also drew blood this season. On himself. He has also been in the bottom a couple of times, while also winning immunity too. He could easily have been voted off, yet he could still win this. He also has a weirdly stoic not throw anyone under the bus bit going. Chance of winning: 15%
With restaurant wars coming up that is really all you need to know about these contestants. I always judge the people on whether I would want to eat where they work. Right now only Paul, Ty, and Ed make me interested in the food. Everyone else? Feh.
That is all.
Wayne
No comments:
Post a Comment