"He is married to someone in the Village People."
I found out that someone I helped hire last year is married to someone in the Village People. When that is only the SECOND strangest experience you have in a week, chances are you are going to need a weekend day to relax.
Danielle and I promised each other that we'd have one day exclusively to ourselves to spend with Sienna every weekend. Or at least really really try. The result is we had the type of day that is similar to so many other days we'll have in our lives. The type of day where, at the end of the day, you are just smiling at everyone and in a really good mood. The type of day that you forget about two days later - not because of any particular event, only because the day was consistently fun.
What did we do? We had no plan other than to do minimal chores.
Slept late (as late as one does with a child), Danielle read the newspaper (a real live newspaper!), I made coffee and then played Civilization, we fed Sienna when she woke up, we put Sienna in her stroller and took her around Brooklyn, we fed Sienna, we went to brunch (sitting Sienna on the table, which is my favorite new game), we fed Sienna some more, then we went around to stoop sales and a huge flea market. We came home. Danielle and Sienna took a nap while I finished my Civilization game. Then we all went back out, picked up some groceries, came home, fed Sienna again (I may have missed Sienna eating at some point), made dinner, fed Sienna and put her to bed.
It was really just a great day of all of us together. The kind of day I am happy I have blogged about since someday Sienna will see this and know sometimes the simple pleasures are the best pleasures.
Wayne
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Disappearing Webseries & Looking Back On It
My webseries I'm Sorry Melissa just disappeared from koldcast.tv. Bastiches. In koldcast's defense there had not been an episode since 2008 and...hold on there hasn't been episode since 2008? Really. 2008? That was three freakin' years ago.
No wonder they took it down. I would have taken it down too. Though I DID give them 30 episodes. The series also appeared in some of the finest hotel rooms in the United States and also on Sprint.
The webseries was really a lark - in my life my larks have worked out far better than my carefully planned non-larks- where, at the time, I just had not shot anything in a while. So I wrote and filmed and played around with some concepts I had.
I was experimenting with sequential filming and audience participation where I would not tell anyone what was happening next and would let the audience decide what would happen. I wanted to create a series that incorporated real stories, yet looked like a reality show. I wanted it to be cost effective.
It was a cross between a social experiment before social experiments were cool, audience interaction before audience interaction was cool, and inexpensive filmmaking when...well inexpensive filmmaking was always the in thing.
I got to hang out with my best friend Mark, my always entertaining friend Snow, listen to Ben the cameraman talk about the world and work with the super talented Annie Figenshu. I can't even explain Carly, Ramesh, or Erin - you really have to watch the series to see what those crazy kids pulled off. I won't tell what parts of the series were autobiographical and what parts were not. That isn't really the point.
Interestingly enough the show got into a the New York Television Festival in '07 in the reality category. I consider it job well done, as who really set out to do a webseries that ends up as a 23 minute pilot. Hearing the laughs during the festival was gratifying.
Yes, the series continued online, back in its native format of "web series." Interestingly enough it was never supposed to be a straight up comedy and I think that was confusing for some people in a world where lighting someone on fire or showing a groin kick gets the most hits.
I just wanted to tell stories and try different stuff online. There is no moral to this particular story. Other than if I wanted it to continue I could have kept filming. The show did prove to be a kicking off point for recording the Jets Hope as I continue to be fascinated about why people do that they do. I do the sports podcast now asking a varient of the "why" question - and most of the time the answer is "why not?" which is what I really appreciate on some level.
Why did I film what I filmed? Why not.
Wayne
No wonder they took it down. I would have taken it down too. Though I DID give them 30 episodes. The series also appeared in some of the finest hotel rooms in the United States and also on Sprint.
The webseries was really a lark - in my life my larks have worked out far better than my carefully planned non-larks- where, at the time, I just had not shot anything in a while. So I wrote and filmed and played around with some concepts I had.
I was experimenting with sequential filming and audience participation where I would not tell anyone what was happening next and would let the audience decide what would happen. I wanted to create a series that incorporated real stories, yet looked like a reality show. I wanted it to be cost effective.
It was a cross between a social experiment before social experiments were cool, audience interaction before audience interaction was cool, and inexpensive filmmaking when...well inexpensive filmmaking was always the in thing.
I got to hang out with my best friend Mark, my always entertaining friend Snow, listen to Ben the cameraman talk about the world and work with the super talented Annie Figenshu. I can't even explain Carly, Ramesh, or Erin - you really have to watch the series to see what those crazy kids pulled off. I won't tell what parts of the series were autobiographical and what parts were not. That isn't really the point.
Interestingly enough the show got into a the New York Television Festival in '07 in the reality category. I consider it job well done, as who really set out to do a webseries that ends up as a 23 minute pilot. Hearing the laughs during the festival was gratifying.
Yes, the series continued online, back in its native format of "web series." Interestingly enough it was never supposed to be a straight up comedy and I think that was confusing for some people in a world where lighting someone on fire or showing a groin kick gets the most hits.
I just wanted to tell stories and try different stuff online. There is no moral to this particular story. Other than if I wanted it to continue I could have kept filming. The show did prove to be a kicking off point for recording the Jets Hope as I continue to be fascinated about why people do that they do. I do the sports podcast now asking a varient of the "why" question - and most of the time the answer is "why not?" which is what I really appreciate on some level.
Why did I film what I filmed? Why not.
Wayne
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Things I'll Tell My Daughter: What Mommy & Daddy Watched on TV
It is important to explain to Sienna what Mommy & Daddy were watching in 2011. Okay, not really. I just wanted to review the shows in our DVR and I like lists. Unfortunately she will use this list against us in the year 2018 takes place.
ME: Sienna, how can you watch this? It's terrible.
SIENNA: You used to watch HIMYM and it was even worse. Remember that thing - what was it called? A blig you posted on! Oh no it was a BLOG. Whatdoesthatevenmean, Dad?!
Sienna then uses her subcutaneous chip to take over the holo-tv and shows me this entry.
ME: Sienna, how can you watch this? It's terrible.
SIENNA: You used to watch HIMYM and it was even worse. Remember that thing - what was it called? A blig you posted on! Oh no it was a BLOG. Whatdoesthatevenmean, Dad?!
Sienna then uses her subcutaneous chip to take over the holo-tv and shows me this entry.
- Big Bang Theory. A+. Another show that is defying the tradition of sitcoms of peaking, failing when it attempts character growth, and then returning to the tried and true formula. BBT has added two really strong female characters the last two years, an antagonist the form of another female character, and made it that everyone is generally likable. It is like Chuck Lorre figured out that throwing more female characters into a show about how guys reacted to females in the first place might give more humor. That he made the female characters likable is why it works. The rest of the world should take note.
- Friday Night Lights. In its final season this continues to be an A+ show. Or I should say returned to being an A+ show after an A+ first season, an abomination of a second season and a third season that I'd generously call a C. Some PHd student should write a dissertation on how this show managed to make a comeback after overturning most of the cast and becoming 8 million degrees of awesomess. Naturally it is being canceled after this season.
- Grey's Anatomy. A. After two really down season this show suddenly became awesome again. Its secret: it stopped focusing on Meredith. She is a victim of bad writing, so I only half blame her. This show could just do scenes with Sara Ramirez and Sandra Oh and I'd be eternally satisfied.
- The Office. B. Very interested to see what happens now that the main character is gone. Another standby favorite that makes me smile at least three times an episode.
- 30 Rock. B. I like this show. Though I can't really tell you anything that happened this season. Oh yes I can. Matt Damon was on as a pilot. Alec Baldwin also had a baby and somehow the show did not jump the shark.
- Shameless. A-. Every now and then a show comes out of nowhere and catches you by surprise. Anything could happen on this show and I would completely believe it. From teenage sex addicts, to car thieves, to an opening credits that makes you go, Wait, what was that?
- WWE - RAW. C. Hit or miss - though easily fast forwardable. Danielle has her favorites (John Cena and Randy Orton) and I have my favorites (anyone trying to take out Cena or Orton).
- Jersey Shore. A+ (anything without Ron & Sammie) F (anything with Ron & Sammie). I will split the difference and give a C- due to too much of F and not enough of A+. A guilty pleasure. Heck I won't even call it guilty. You have to celebrate what happens and hope your daughter never ends up on this show or any other MTV reality show. Seriously - would I rather have Sienna become a stripper or being on an MTV show? I have asked other parents at work this very question and nobody answers it other than to turn a really weird color.
- Glee. D. After a terrible season finale which was preceded by some really bad and horrible episodes I have to question why we bother with this show. It pretty much killed the goodwill it gained from having John Stamos on a bunch of episodes and Brit Brit OWNING every single scene she is in.
- How I Met Your Mother. D. We watch this show out of habit. A habit that is likely to end as there are still two more seasons to go of the show before we meet the mother. I used to be able to relate to the people on this show. I can also tell Ted why he hasn't met his mother: he is a needy, whiny, creepy, baby.
There you have it. What Danielle and I were watching the year Sienna was born.
Wayne
I'm Not Jumping On The BandWagon...I Plan on Driving It
The puck slid across the crease - an invisible hand pushing it beyond the reach of a defender, darting past the goalie, toward the stick of Boston player rushing toward the net...
I let out a noise that is a cross between a barbaric yalp and a dog having its tail stepped on. The common noise that I've let out of a thousand times at a thousand different events. The common noise that starts as a guttural cry of joy and ends up stuck in the throat when fate - it is always fate - intervenes.
My three month old daughter Sienna opened her eyes from where she was enjoying her nap - the natural birthright of any child with Bostonian blood anywhere in her veins being on her father or mother's lap* during a playoff game. Especially a game seven with a trip to the Stanley Cup finals at stake. "Really close, Sweetie," I told her in an attempt to turn disappointment into a teaching moment. Her tiny face turned beet red instantaneously as she let out a guttural cry of her own, only this one didn't stop in her throat, instead it reverberated throughout our apartment and was accompanied by tiny tiny tears.
The Bruins had made my daughter Sienna cry.
Danielle, upon coming home from work, rightfully pointed out that I had scared our child with my louder-than-I- think-it-is yelp, my protests that it was the Bruins not withstanding. She noted that I have watched approximately a handful of hockey games at best and that I was doing nothing more than jumping on the Bruins bandwagon. My wife is a smart woman. My wife just did not grow up with hockey.**
This was BEFORE the Bruins even won the game. My yearly playoff passage since moving to New York a decade ago is as follows: I quietly hope for the best of "my beloved Bruins" or "my beloved Celtics." Otherwise I keep it to myself. Hockey is way closer to my heart though - my father jokes that kids in our town learned how to walk and instead of sneakers would get skates. Actually, he isn't joking.
I can recount the utter heartbreak and disappointment that began approximately in the mid-70s when my mother introduced me to hockey and has continued onward until right about, oh now. Only it would take about 15,000 words, a box of tissues, and therapy***. Hockey has proven to be a lot more painful than Red Sox baseball. I know, 86 years of futility and the Red Sox finally win the World Series, let me sum up the counterpoint: the Red Sox had lower expectations so when they did well it was a pleasant surprise. Not with hockey.
Hockey will kill you slowly. Your team is most likely to make the playoffs and it gives you eternal hope. The Bruins gave you more than hope they would sometimes make the cup finals and then end up being surprisingly non-competitive. This leads to incredible anguish: would you rather your team fail or succeed and then fail. My friend Mark is a huge Jets fans and back in '06 he asked me whether I'd rather have my team make the Superbowl (we were talking Patriots v Jets at the time) and lose or not make it at all. From my Bruins experience I told him I'd rather not make it. I'd rather the team suck.
Each year I tuned in come playoff time. Promising that I wouldn't care. Yeah, right. Last year really took the cake though. Up 3 - 0 to the Flyers and how-did-they-lose-that-series? It was the closest I have ever come to throwing a remote at the TV.
You would think I learn. I don't. Naturally I find myself flipping to the games once the playoffs begin - if I watched the regular season I'd probably get an ulcer. I have no idea if this makes the the worst fan ever. The base word of fanatic comes from "fan" and the days where I could rattle off the B's roster - would you like it by number, line, position, year - are long past. I experienced the entire "are you really a fan" debate throughout the filming of the Jets Hope documentary where we would talk to someone who only goes to one game a year with his buddies, doesn't know the names of the players anymore, yet still waits out the day when his team would win.
It is okay to be that fan. It is okay to use terms like "my team" when you haven't bought a jersey in years, or don't buy the NESN package anymore, or limit yourself to mumbling that you won't fall for the team AGAIN. You are that fan. Embrace being that fan. Especially when you have hope.
Excuse me while I put on my driver's cap and start up the bandwagon. Sienna is riding shotgun though - she needs a good view of what her future looks like.
Wayne
*Most Bostonians I know don't understand why women watching or knowing about sports is even considered a big deal.
** Danielle has gamely tried to watch hockey with me on TV. Even on our 40 inch HD TV the puck is too small to follow and when I say things like, "He's going to pass the puck to the winger on the far right" and the winger is against the boards and you can't really see him...it is understandable that she does not enjoy it as much as a I do. Actually it bores her. It bores her less live though.
***When the Bruins had a lead in game seven I keep mumbling "count 'em first" whenever there was an on the fly line change. Yes, 1979 still lingers...
I let out a noise that is a cross between a barbaric yalp and a dog having its tail stepped on. The common noise that I've let out of a thousand times at a thousand different events. The common noise that starts as a guttural cry of joy and ends up stuck in the throat when fate - it is always fate - intervenes.
My three month old daughter Sienna opened her eyes from where she was enjoying her nap - the natural birthright of any child with Bostonian blood anywhere in her veins being on her father or mother's lap* during a playoff game. Especially a game seven with a trip to the Stanley Cup finals at stake. "Really close, Sweetie," I told her in an attempt to turn disappointment into a teaching moment. Her tiny face turned beet red instantaneously as she let out a guttural cry of her own, only this one didn't stop in her throat, instead it reverberated throughout our apartment and was accompanied by tiny tiny tears.
The Bruins had made my daughter Sienna cry.
Danielle, upon coming home from work, rightfully pointed out that I had scared our child with my louder-than-I- think-it-is yelp, my protests that it was the Bruins not withstanding. She noted that I have watched approximately a handful of hockey games at best and that I was doing nothing more than jumping on the Bruins bandwagon. My wife is a smart woman. My wife just did not grow up with hockey.**
This was BEFORE the Bruins even won the game. My yearly playoff passage since moving to New York a decade ago is as follows: I quietly hope for the best of "my beloved Bruins" or "my beloved Celtics." Otherwise I keep it to myself. Hockey is way closer to my heart though - my father jokes that kids in our town learned how to walk and instead of sneakers would get skates. Actually, he isn't joking.
I can recount the utter heartbreak and disappointment that began approximately in the mid-70s when my mother introduced me to hockey and has continued onward until right about, oh now. Only it would take about 15,000 words, a box of tissues, and therapy***. Hockey has proven to be a lot more painful than Red Sox baseball. I know, 86 years of futility and the Red Sox finally win the World Series, let me sum up the counterpoint: the Red Sox had lower expectations so when they did well it was a pleasant surprise. Not with hockey.
Hockey will kill you slowly. Your team is most likely to make the playoffs and it gives you eternal hope. The Bruins gave you more than hope they would sometimes make the cup finals and then end up being surprisingly non-competitive. This leads to incredible anguish: would you rather your team fail or succeed and then fail. My friend Mark is a huge Jets fans and back in '06 he asked me whether I'd rather have my team make the Superbowl (we were talking Patriots v Jets at the time) and lose or not make it at all. From my Bruins experience I told him I'd rather not make it. I'd rather the team suck.
Each year I tuned in come playoff time. Promising that I wouldn't care. Yeah, right. Last year really took the cake though. Up 3 - 0 to the Flyers and how-did-they-lose-that-series? It was the closest I have ever come to throwing a remote at the TV.
You would think I learn. I don't. Naturally I find myself flipping to the games once the playoffs begin - if I watched the regular season I'd probably get an ulcer. I have no idea if this makes the the worst fan ever. The base word of fanatic comes from "fan" and the days where I could rattle off the B's roster - would you like it by number, line, position, year - are long past. I experienced the entire "are you really a fan" debate throughout the filming of the Jets Hope documentary where we would talk to someone who only goes to one game a year with his buddies, doesn't know the names of the players anymore, yet still waits out the day when his team would win.
It is okay to be that fan. It is okay to use terms like "my team" when you haven't bought a jersey in years, or don't buy the NESN package anymore, or limit yourself to mumbling that you won't fall for the team AGAIN. You are that fan. Embrace being that fan. Especially when you have hope.
Excuse me while I put on my driver's cap and start up the bandwagon. Sienna is riding shotgun though - she needs a good view of what her future looks like.
Wayne
*Most Bostonians I know don't understand why women watching or knowing about sports is even considered a big deal.
** Danielle has gamely tried to watch hockey with me on TV. Even on our 40 inch HD TV the puck is too small to follow and when I say things like, "He's going to pass the puck to the winger on the far right" and the winger is against the boards and you can't really see him...it is understandable that she does not enjoy it as much as a I do. Actually it bores her. It bores her less live though.
***When the Bruins had a lead in game seven I keep mumbling "count 'em first" whenever there was an on the fly line change. Yes, 1979 still lingers...
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
State of the Parent Address: The First 100 Days of Sienna
“I haven’t dropped her yet!”*
When it comes to people asking me how fatherhood is going that is my standard answer. I’m only being half a smart ass when I say it; the other half of me is completely serious. Actually I am fully serious.
Mankind has survived approximately 500,000 years of existence (depending on how you’re counting), child bearing, child rearing, crying children, hungry children, children in need of a diaper change, elements, poxes (literal and figurative), seemingly smart people saying what turns out to be wrong about family, and seemingly dumb people saying what turns out to be correct about family.
I think about Cave Man and Cave Woman hunting and gathering as little Cave Baby learned how to crawl quickly. Cave Baby DID learn to crawl quickly since a small child makes a delightful snack to some sharp tooth predator. That is when Cave Woman actually survived child birth.
It isn’t with full glibness when I sum up the early parts of fatherhood I can sum it up as, “I haven’t dropped her yet!” as Sienna can survive some temporary hunger or temporary dirty diaper. Sienna also has a squirmess factor of 2 million, especially with those early late night feedings and diaper changes. Though man, what a beginning.
The Beginning
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’ll text you and let you know what happens.”
With those words or some proximity of, Danielle walked out the door to our apartment. That she was wearing her bedroom slippers at the time might have been considered off. That it was about 10:30 at night and I had just shoved money into her hand for the car service that was waiting for. That I was going to have to call her mother and tell her to meet Danielle at the emergency room.
You know, typical first night at home with Sienna. All five pounds, nine ounces of Sienna, our daughter who had been home for all of seven hours. Who mostly resembled a giant diaper with a biscuit head. I have terrible news for all parents your newborn child most likely looks like a small pug crossed with Winston Churchill. No offense, this is a fact of life.
Sienna came into the world three and half weeks early via an emergency C-section. Emergency C-section where her head was a tiny bit caved in and her umbilical chord was wrapped around her neck and requiring three slaps from the doctor before Sienna decided she would stop scaring us all by not making any noises. On the level of: this-is-annoying to holy-goodness-terrible the birth the entire previous four days had been: part-of-life-I-love-modern-medicine-it-could-have-been-much-worse. Danielle spent the post-birth days in a hospital room, I stayed on the extra couch next to her bed, and Sienna spent time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).
After four days of this particular living arrangement we were THRILLED to finally take Sienna home. That Danielle’s fever started rising immediately upon coming home and spiked to such an extent that she had to go back to the hospital’s ER and leave me alone. Not so much fun.
Which is why I was staring at Sienna and told her, “I guess it’s just me and you. I can get through any of this - I just can’t drop you.” I had spent four days of her life learning how to change and feed her from the Nurses in the NICU. I have full faith in my ability to change and feed her taking however long it needed to take. I then called my mother-in-law and told her to meet her daughter at the ER.
So there you have it. Day 1 of 100 days of Sienna. I decided to count from the time she came home.
Yes, Danielle (and my mother-in-law Trudy) came home at 3 AM that night. Danielle pumped up with some uber-powerful antibiotics that could probably double as paint thinner in a pinch. Heck, Danielle had so many drugs from the time she arrived at the hospital to our first night home I am pretty sure she’ll fail a drug test someday.
Anyone really wondering WHY I’ve enjoyed the other 99 days of parenthood so much?
Before Sienna was born we prepared as much as new parents could prepare. Set up her room, packed a hospital bag, and asked parents what to expect. This led to a confusing factoid that my friend Rob and his wife Jessica experienced recently. Parents don’t remember newborn.
Why don’t parents remember?
Another friend Steve put it to me a different way, “I have a five year old son. If we have a second kid I have to relearn everything. I just don’t remember.” It appears that living entirely in the moment is a benefit/hazard of being a new parent. I could not believe that my father could not remember me from this age. Or that some of the smartest people I know can’t remember what they did five days after the child is born.
99 days later Danielle and I are able to piece together most everything. Not of just the first few days. Just of EVERYTHING about being a parent. Or to paraphrase my father, “If you want to remember something you better write it down. Otherwise you’re going to forget. Trust me.”
In the first 99 days we’ve already had quite a few adventures. Some intentional, some not. Sienna has been up to Massachusetts, out to Long Island, has met both sets of grand units, gone to an Easter dinner, had Passover, been to a bunch of bars and places for brunch, attended a Mets game, watched hockey (I feel guilty about letting out a yelp in excitement and Sienna started crying) and basketball, had diaper changes in a parking lot, rolled over during tummy time, performed dance moves, been strolled around upstate New York, started daycare, and punched the cat in the face. It was a good punch too.
There have moments of course. Being so still you have to look three times to see that she is breathing. The eight diaper changes a day. Sienna needing an hour to feed when she was just learning. Her acid reflux. Danielle being so tired that I took a day off from work so she could just rest. Sterilizing for the millionth time. Arguing with the insurance company. Rolling Danielle to the NICU and her look of horror when seeing her daughter and counting how many tubes were attached. Those are the memories that will fade quickly. Those are the ones that when a parent asks, “Do you remember when they were this small…” I probably am NOT going to remember. Still, it is part of the first 99 days and that is what happened. Heck, Cave Man or Cave Woman would love if those were the biggest problems they faced.**
Sienna loves strange character voices. Much to Danielle’s horror the same “cutesy voices” that Danielle hated that her mother would use with other babies…Sienna LOVES. Sienna and Grandma may understand each other the most (Grandma also comes over to make sure Mommy and Daddy can go out on dates). If you sing to Sienna she does a full limb dance. Babies also have excellent comedic timing and Sienna is no exception. Any statement of “she is so quiet right now” will immediately receive some sort of noise from her direction. I am also employing Sienna as the cutest baby comedy prop EVER. When she meets new people the statement of, “she is so cute” is said (required by law) at which point Sienna stares at the person blankly. I then say, “Sienna, melt her (or his) heart with a smile” and she lets out a huge open mouth smile. Because right now when she hears my voice – and isn’t tired, hungry, or needs to be changed – Sienna smiles.
Sienna now weighs in at a robust 10 pounds or as I like to say, The size of some of my friends newborns.
People wonder why we haven’t done the birth announcement. Read all of that again. We’re busy people. Sorry. We’ll get to it.
Sienna has been great as far as taking it easy on her parents though. I think she is trying to trick us into having a sibling – though we aren’t falling for that. The first hundred days with Sienna has been about slowly figuring out everything. That and filling out her baby book so we remember some of the funny, strange stories or the great visits or words of wisdom our friends have given us.
Most importantly though, I haven’t dropped her yet.
Wayne
*I also do not SHAKE my daughter. That is just dangerous and is far more controllable.
** I am also thankful this is the worst we’ve had to face. I’ve spoken with friends and some had stories 100x worse. I am not kidding when I say all of this could have been much worse. It was not a game of one upsmanship, only what friends experienced.
When it comes to people asking me how fatherhood is going that is my standard answer. I’m only being half a smart ass when I say it; the other half of me is completely serious. Actually I am fully serious.
Mankind has survived approximately 500,000 years of existence (depending on how you’re counting), child bearing, child rearing, crying children, hungry children, children in need of a diaper change, elements, poxes (literal and figurative), seemingly smart people saying what turns out to be wrong about family, and seemingly dumb people saying what turns out to be correct about family.
I think about Cave Man and Cave Woman hunting and gathering as little Cave Baby learned how to crawl quickly. Cave Baby DID learn to crawl quickly since a small child makes a delightful snack to some sharp tooth predator. That is when Cave Woman actually survived child birth.
It isn’t with full glibness when I sum up the early parts of fatherhood I can sum it up as, “I haven’t dropped her yet!” as Sienna can survive some temporary hunger or temporary dirty diaper. Sienna also has a squirmess factor of 2 million, especially with those early late night feedings and diaper changes. Though man, what a beginning.
The Beginning
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’ll text you and let you know what happens.”
With those words or some proximity of, Danielle walked out the door to our apartment. That she was wearing her bedroom slippers at the time might have been considered off. That it was about 10:30 at night and I had just shoved money into her hand for the car service that was waiting for. That I was going to have to call her mother and tell her to meet Danielle at the emergency room.
You know, typical first night at home with Sienna. All five pounds, nine ounces of Sienna, our daughter who had been home for all of seven hours. Who mostly resembled a giant diaper with a biscuit head. I have terrible news for all parents your newborn child most likely looks like a small pug crossed with Winston Churchill. No offense, this is a fact of life.
Sienna came into the world three and half weeks early via an emergency C-section. Emergency C-section where her head was a tiny bit caved in and her umbilical chord was wrapped around her neck and requiring three slaps from the doctor before Sienna decided she would stop scaring us all by not making any noises. On the level of: this-is-annoying to holy-goodness-terrible the birth the entire previous four days had been: part-of-life-I-love-modern-medicine-it-could-have-been-much-worse. Danielle spent the post-birth days in a hospital room, I stayed on the extra couch next to her bed, and Sienna spent time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).
After four days of this particular living arrangement we were THRILLED to finally take Sienna home. That Danielle’s fever started rising immediately upon coming home and spiked to such an extent that she had to go back to the hospital’s ER and leave me alone. Not so much fun.
Which is why I was staring at Sienna and told her, “I guess it’s just me and you. I can get through any of this - I just can’t drop you.” I had spent four days of her life learning how to change and feed her from the Nurses in the NICU. I have full faith in my ability to change and feed her taking however long it needed to take. I then called my mother-in-law and told her to meet her daughter at the ER.
So there you have it. Day 1 of 100 days of Sienna. I decided to count from the time she came home.
Yes, Danielle (and my mother-in-law Trudy) came home at 3 AM that night. Danielle pumped up with some uber-powerful antibiotics that could probably double as paint thinner in a pinch. Heck, Danielle had so many drugs from the time she arrived at the hospital to our first night home I am pretty sure she’ll fail a drug test someday.
Anyone really wondering WHY I’ve enjoyed the other 99 days of parenthood so much?
Before Sienna was born we prepared as much as new parents could prepare. Set up her room, packed a hospital bag, and asked parents what to expect. This led to a confusing factoid that my friend Rob and his wife Jessica experienced recently. Parents don’t remember newborn.
Why don’t parents remember?
Another friend Steve put it to me a different way, “I have a five year old son. If we have a second kid I have to relearn everything. I just don’t remember.” It appears that living entirely in the moment is a benefit/hazard of being a new parent. I could not believe that my father could not remember me from this age. Or that some of the smartest people I know can’t remember what they did five days after the child is born.
99 days later Danielle and I are able to piece together most everything. Not of just the first few days. Just of EVERYTHING about being a parent. Or to paraphrase my father, “If you want to remember something you better write it down. Otherwise you’re going to forget. Trust me.”
Here are ten things I’ve learned, so far, that other parents might want to know. Or they might not.
- Take a picture. Your child will mess with you being doing a cute action for about a week and then never EVER do it again. You want that cute memory? Take a picture.
Advice will come from weird places. Sienna never slept in a bassinet. Why? At a New Year’s party a parent with twins told us she just put the kids directly into the crib from day one. It never occurred to us that you could do that. We did it. Sure Sienna looked like a burrito in a desert – still it worked. - Diapers start with “N” not “1”. The reason Sienna looks so tiny was because it was the wrong size diaper. These diapers looked so large I thought she was going to be smothered.
- You will want to break at some point. It is a biological result of not enough sleep, and mostly, not enough sleep. That is the EXACT moment your child will smile reflexively at you and you will melt. Then all will be well.
- If you have a daughter and someone calls her a him it will bother you. I thought it wouldn’t. It does. I also don’t care that we have a blue baseball hanging from her stroller. You can ask people! You-can-ask.
- You will think you are ready for work. I did a podcast a week after I returned from Sienna being born. I still don’t know why I did it.
- Take the child out right away. I was on leave for three weeks since I was taking care of both Sienna and Danielle. We made sure to have Sienna out to one of our favorite food places within a week of being home. Find a place you trust and take the child there during off hours. The break is pleasant.
- It is fun to show off your child. It is. Can’t be helped. It just is.
- Watch other parents operate. We’ve learned a lot from watching our parents who have kids interact with Sienna. Mostly because the muscle memory of a parent when it comes to a newborn is amazing. I had no idea Sienna could do pull-ups until a friend showed us. Kind of awesome.
- It comes down to three things: hunger, fatigue, or a dirty diaper. Take care of those three and you can make it through most anything.
- (Freebie) Take to heart that your child will eventually crawl and talk back to you. The times of a peaceful visit to a restaurant will go away. I believe people when they tell us this. Especially when we have a sleeping Sienna and the parent telling us this information looks at his or her own child with murder in the eye and mumble, “Enjoy the time…enjoy the time.”
In the first 99 days we’ve already had quite a few adventures. Some intentional, some not. Sienna has been up to Massachusetts, out to Long Island, has met both sets of grand units, gone to an Easter dinner, had Passover, been to a bunch of bars and places for brunch, attended a Mets game, watched hockey (I feel guilty about letting out a yelp in excitement and Sienna started crying) and basketball, had diaper changes in a parking lot, rolled over during tummy time, performed dance moves, been strolled around upstate New York, started daycare, and punched the cat in the face. It was a good punch too.
There have moments of course. Being so still you have to look three times to see that she is breathing. The eight diaper changes a day. Sienna needing an hour to feed when she was just learning. Her acid reflux. Danielle being so tired that I took a day off from work so she could just rest. Sterilizing for the millionth time. Arguing with the insurance company. Rolling Danielle to the NICU and her look of horror when seeing her daughter and counting how many tubes were attached. Those are the memories that will fade quickly. Those are the ones that when a parent asks, “Do you remember when they were this small…” I probably am NOT going to remember. Still, it is part of the first 99 days and that is what happened. Heck, Cave Man or Cave Woman would love if those were the biggest problems they faced.**
Sienna loves strange character voices. Much to Danielle’s horror the same “cutesy voices” that Danielle hated that her mother would use with other babies…Sienna LOVES. Sienna and Grandma may understand each other the most (Grandma also comes over to make sure Mommy and Daddy can go out on dates). If you sing to Sienna she does a full limb dance. Babies also have excellent comedic timing and Sienna is no exception. Any statement of “she is so quiet right now” will immediately receive some sort of noise from her direction. I am also employing Sienna as the cutest baby comedy prop EVER. When she meets new people the statement of, “she is so cute” is said (required by law) at which point Sienna stares at the person blankly. I then say, “Sienna, melt her (or his) heart with a smile” and she lets out a huge open mouth smile. Because right now when she hears my voice – and isn’t tired, hungry, or needs to be changed – Sienna smiles.
Sienna now weighs in at a robust 10 pounds or as I like to say, The size of some of my friends newborns.
People wonder why we haven’t done the birth announcement. Read all of that again. We’re busy people. Sorry. We’ll get to it.
Sienna has been great as far as taking it easy on her parents though. I think she is trying to trick us into having a sibling – though we aren’t falling for that. The first hundred days with Sienna has been about slowly figuring out everything. That and filling out her baby book so we remember some of the funny, strange stories or the great visits or words of wisdom our friends have given us.
Most importantly though, I haven’t dropped her yet.
Wayne
*I also do not SHAKE my daughter. That is just dangerous and is far more controllable.
** I am also thankful this is the worst we’ve had to face. I’ve spoken with friends and some had stories 100x worse. I am not kidding when I say all of this could have been much worse. It was not a game of one upsmanship, only what friends experienced.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Why I Won't Be Behind Home Plate Tonight
I am the King-of-Figure-It-Out. A friend once said it to me and I took it as a compliment with a certain amount of pride. Heck, I would love to put it on my resume as SKILL: King-of-Figure-It-Out.
Remember in previous postings how I said that free tickets pop up at unexpected times? Yeah, this was one of them. My boss at work Lahmani had received Mets tickets for our group doing some fantastic job on some project or another. Tickets directly behind home plate. So close that the umpire can hear you talk some trash. So close that...you get the point.
She offered them out to the group and despite the delay in time of receiving the message and replying... I said yes. You automatically say yes. I always say yes in these situations. I am the King-of-Figure-It-Out.
That is if I think the tickets are still available. Luckily I am in a group with Yankee fans, Long Islandites, and people with children. Oh. People with children.
People like me. How life can change quickly. (By the way if this is a sitcom hijinks would have ensued).
I retract my message to Lahmani. The King-of-Figure-It-Out isn't the King-of-Tell-The-Boss-One-Thing-And-Then-Cancel. That is just a bad move. Still, there was time. I am required to pick Sienna up from daycare at approximately 5:45.
Calling babysitter Grandma was out of the question since she had already picked up Sienna yesterday* when Danielle was working the game and I was scheduled to go. I wondered what cave man would do in the situation - he had much larger problems involving children than I did - and seriously, whenever something vexs me at all I wonder what a caveman would do. It is surprisingly effective in cutting through the bs.
Caveman would take his child with him. Well, there you go then. Thanks mighty ancestor of mine! Though I am not sure that caveman would have known that a child under 26 inches does not require a ticket.
I called Danielle at her office. I believe it is what caveman would have done - if he had telephones instead of two rocks to smack together.
ME: Hi, sweetie.
DANIELLE: Hey.
ME: If I go to a Mets game with co-workers and sit behind home plate - any chance you can pick up Sienna?
Aside 1: To understand the awesomeness of this question, understand Danielle has to work every home Mets game. Also understand that sometimes the most obvious query means I do not have to figure anything out.
DANIELLE (Pause)
Aside 2: Have I mentioned my wife gives the best pauses ever? It is an artform. Like any artform she never knows she is doing it - only that it is magical.
DANIELLE (Pause)
Aside 3: It takes a while since she is running through options
DANIELLE: I don't see how it will work since I need to be here.
ME: How about this? I go home and pick up, Sienna. I bring her out to the ballpark and then we'll ride home later together?
DANIELLE (Pause)
ME: It *could* work.
DANIELLE: How would you plan on getting here? I have the car.
ME: Subway?
Aside 4: Okay, am I so into Mets baseball and free ticket on a rainy day that would require me carting a child through rush hour train traffic to a game that is potentially going to be rained out? Um yes. Have you ever sat in a seat behind home plate? Would I not have DVRd the entire even so I could show Sienna footage of her smiling at the camera and my co-workers looking furious as she shoved a hand in their beer?
DANIELLE: It is supposed to rain. I don't think it is the best idea. You'll end up cold, wet, and with a crying child.
And with that King-of-Figure-It-Out met Mother-of-all-Logic. Actually I am pretty sure Sienna would have been fine. However I hate getting soaked. Danielle is also completely reasonable and that she entertains these questions at all is why I love her.
Instead I will enjoy it from another pretty good seat in a house and Sienna will indeed be on my lap. Though any choice words for the umpire will be for our ears only.
Well, until her 7:30 bedtime. Then I turn off the game while I read her a bedtime story - priorities and all.
See. I figured out something that works.
Wayne
--
Go to Bloombergsports.mlblogs.com to hear Wayne on "Behind the Numbers" or follow him on @wparillo - third person statements in a personal blog. Weird.
*Grandma would have done it. She loves her grand daughter. Actually Grandma might have brought her to the game herself.
Remember in previous postings how I said that free tickets pop up at unexpected times? Yeah, this was one of them. My boss at work Lahmani had received Mets tickets for our group doing some fantastic job on some project or another. Tickets directly behind home plate. So close that the umpire can hear you talk some trash. So close that...you get the point.
She offered them out to the group and despite the delay in time of receiving the message and replying... I said yes. You automatically say yes. I always say yes in these situations. I am the King-of-Figure-It-Out.
That is if I think the tickets are still available. Luckily I am in a group with Yankee fans, Long Islandites, and people with children. Oh. People with children.
People like me. How life can change quickly. (By the way if this is a sitcom hijinks would have ensued).
I retract my message to Lahmani. The King-of-Figure-It-Out isn't the King-of-Tell-The-Boss-One-Thing-And-Then-Cancel. That is just a bad move. Still, there was time. I am required to pick Sienna up from daycare at approximately 5:45.
Calling babysitter Grandma was out of the question since she had already picked up Sienna yesterday* when Danielle was working the game and I was scheduled to go. I wondered what cave man would do in the situation - he had much larger problems involving children than I did - and seriously, whenever something vexs me at all I wonder what a caveman would do. It is surprisingly effective in cutting through the bs.
Caveman would take his child with him. Well, there you go then. Thanks mighty ancestor of mine! Though I am not sure that caveman would have known that a child under 26 inches does not require a ticket.
I called Danielle at her office. I believe it is what caveman would have done - if he had telephones instead of two rocks to smack together.
ME: Hi, sweetie.
DANIELLE: Hey.
ME: If I go to a Mets game with co-workers and sit behind home plate - any chance you can pick up Sienna?
Aside 1: To understand the awesomeness of this question, understand Danielle has to work every home Mets game. Also understand that sometimes the most obvious query means I do not have to figure anything out.
DANIELLE (Pause)
Aside 2: Have I mentioned my wife gives the best pauses ever? It is an artform. Like any artform she never knows she is doing it - only that it is magical.
DANIELLE (Pause)
Aside 3: It takes a while since she is running through options
DANIELLE: I don't see how it will work since I need to be here.
ME: How about this? I go home and pick up, Sienna. I bring her out to the ballpark and then we'll ride home later together?
DANIELLE (Pause)
ME: It *could* work.
DANIELLE: How would you plan on getting here? I have the car.
ME: Subway?
Aside 4: Okay, am I so into Mets baseball and free ticket on a rainy day that would require me carting a child through rush hour train traffic to a game that is potentially going to be rained out? Um yes. Have you ever sat in a seat behind home plate? Would I not have DVRd the entire even so I could show Sienna footage of her smiling at the camera and my co-workers looking furious as she shoved a hand in their beer?
DANIELLE: It is supposed to rain. I don't think it is the best idea. You'll end up cold, wet, and with a crying child.
And with that King-of-Figure-It-Out met Mother-of-all-Logic. Actually I am pretty sure Sienna would have been fine. However I hate getting soaked. Danielle is also completely reasonable and that she entertains these questions at all is why I love her.
Instead I will enjoy it from another pretty good seat in a house and Sienna will indeed be on my lap. Though any choice words for the umpire will be for our ears only.
Well, until her 7:30 bedtime. Then I turn off the game while I read her a bedtime story - priorities and all.
See. I figured out something that works.
Wayne
--
Go to Bloombergsports.mlblogs.com to hear Wayne on "Behind the Numbers" or follow him on @wparillo - third person statements in a personal blog. Weird.
*Grandma would have done it. She loves her grand daughter. Actually Grandma might have brought her to the game herself.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Why I Didn't Venture to the Bronx
I've never watched the Yankees/Red Sox game in person. I've managed to see a World Series game, play off games, Josh Hamilton's home run derby, a Triple Play, Jeff Reardon set a saves record (I was young, it was a big deal at the time!) and about a million arbitrary baseball events including a drunken Bachelor party apologizing to my mother for their misbehaviors by buying my brother and I hot dogs for three innings.
Yankee v Red Sox in person though? Nope, never have seen it in person. Part of it being that the thought of buying tickets to Yankee Stadium and somehow contributing to the Hatfields against my McCoy's would be a universal insult. Or at least bad kharma. When I lived in Massachusetts there was no such thing as StubHub to buy the so-called golden ticket.
Though I have always prepared for the possibility of the all mighty free ticket. Free tickets are a strange, powerful, mysterious creatures. You never know where one will appear or under what circumstances - though you must always be prepared to act quickly. The most powerful free ticket I ever received was 2007 ALCS Boston v Cleveland - right field porch Red Sox owner Tom Werner's seats*
I am so prepared on the possibility that I went with Yankee fans to CitiField last year to see the proper way to behave without being killed in "enemy" territory. Quiet and with respect. Which really does make life a lot better.
Which brings me to this past Sunday.
Being married to me at this point Danielle certainly knows what I am most likely to do in a given situation. She spent Sunday helping her friend Kim register for baby stuff. Her friend Kim who offered Danielle two free tickets to the Red Sox v Yankees game!
So why is this blog entitled "Why I Didn't Venture to the Bronx" instead of "My First Yankees v Red Sox game in person!"
Danielle told me this information just after we finished putting Sienna to bed. When we were figuring out how late we were planning to stay up to watch the Red Sox/Yankees game (new parents exhibit this sort of behavior). Which is really the point, I suppose.
My wife, smartly, knew that I'd wanted to go to the game yet I would NOT have liked getting home at 2 AM on a Sunday night. Or possibly later based on twitter. Most likely complaining about the price of food. Definitely having a couple of over priced beers in my belly and most definitely with my acid reflux acting up. I would not have been able to spend so much of my Sunday afternoon with her (approximate travel time from Brooklyn to Bronx on a Sunday is 8 million hours) and really, she knew I would have thought about the glories of the game v the glories of time with Sienna and Sienna ultimately winning**
Which is what happened. I watched the game with Danielle, and I suppose Sienna. Well I'm not sure if her baby monitor turned toward the TV counts as watching it. She is young and it was past her bed time.
At some point I will take Sienna to see the game - that is if Sienna even likes baseball. Though it'll probably be more meaningful for her if she is a Mets fan.
Which I hope she likes baseball, otherwise I would have risked the night out. I mean really, what a great game.
Wayne
* This is also my ONLY baseball regret. Tom Werner let me try on his world series ring & I DID NOT take a picture. I am the dumbest motherf*cker ever. The other part of the regret is I did not immediately start pitching him TV series.
** Ask me to make this same decision when Sienna is a teenager and talking back and you are probably getting a different answer
Yankee v Red Sox in person though? Nope, never have seen it in person. Part of it being that the thought of buying tickets to Yankee Stadium and somehow contributing to the Hatfields against my McCoy's would be a universal insult. Or at least bad kharma. When I lived in Massachusetts there was no such thing as StubHub to buy the so-called golden ticket.
Though I have always prepared for the possibility of the all mighty free ticket. Free tickets are a strange, powerful, mysterious creatures. You never know where one will appear or under what circumstances - though you must always be prepared to act quickly. The most powerful free ticket I ever received was 2007 ALCS Boston v Cleveland - right field porch Red Sox owner Tom Werner's seats*
I am so prepared on the possibility that I went with Yankee fans to CitiField last year to see the proper way to behave without being killed in "enemy" territory. Quiet and with respect. Which really does make life a lot better.
Which brings me to this past Sunday.
Being married to me at this point Danielle certainly knows what I am most likely to do in a given situation. She spent Sunday helping her friend Kim register for baby stuff. Her friend Kim who offered Danielle two free tickets to the Red Sox v Yankees game!
So why is this blog entitled "Why I Didn't Venture to the Bronx" instead of "My First Yankees v Red Sox game in person!"
Danielle told me this information just after we finished putting Sienna to bed. When we were figuring out how late we were planning to stay up to watch the Red Sox/Yankees game (new parents exhibit this sort of behavior). Which is really the point, I suppose.
My wife, smartly, knew that I'd wanted to go to the game yet I would NOT have liked getting home at 2 AM on a Sunday night. Or possibly later based on twitter. Most likely complaining about the price of food. Definitely having a couple of over priced beers in my belly and most definitely with my acid reflux acting up. I would not have been able to spend so much of my Sunday afternoon with her (approximate travel time from Brooklyn to Bronx on a Sunday is 8 million hours) and really, she knew I would have thought about the glories of the game v the glories of time with Sienna and Sienna ultimately winning**
Which is what happened. I watched the game with Danielle, and I suppose Sienna. Well I'm not sure if her baby monitor turned toward the TV counts as watching it. She is young and it was past her bed time.
At some point I will take Sienna to see the game - that is if Sienna even likes baseball. Though it'll probably be more meaningful for her if she is a Mets fan.
Which I hope she likes baseball, otherwise I would have risked the night out. I mean really, what a great game.
Wayne
* This is also my ONLY baseball regret. Tom Werner let me try on his world series ring & I DID NOT take a picture. I am the dumbest motherf*cker ever. The other part of the regret is I did not immediately start pitching him TV series.
** Ask me to make this same decision when Sienna is a teenager and talking back and you are probably getting a different answer
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